I need help to read my chart.

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AuthenticSeeker
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I need help to read my chart.

Post by AuthenticSeeker »

Hello,



I am a twenty-eight years old male born 18 December 1990 at 5:45 A.M in France.
Never worked, stuck at the university, no friend, social and scholar retard. Since the age of nineteen I am socially isolated. Consequently, I never learned how to live in society like normal people. In their twenties people have experiences, they travel, they have good time, they work and all but I am a sort of unconventional hermit lost in the modern world...
I'm not motivated to meet people despite my need of sharing, connexion and deep conversations because they are often very deceiving and I noticed that when you're a bit different they reject you easily which makes me feel misanthropic.

Writing is an essential part of my life. I like to have walks, listening to music and observing people; I spend all my time alone, always brooding about myself, things and people.
I feel affinities with Eastern spiritualities. I'm into reading sages and things about meditation but I don't practice. Having a restless mind, I have hard time just being here but at heart I feel mystical. My main concern is not social realization but to know myself beyond conditioning. I am very contemplative, not a doer despite my Capricorn stellium in the second house.
I don't know what my place is and it's a great source of worry in a society where your value depends on what you DO. This is the very first question everyone ask: "What do you do?". If you answer "I'm twenty-eight and I do nothing special... I don't feel good in this noisy society. Over the years I've been wandering solitary... I never left my small city... " they are afraid. That's why I'm isolating... Vicious circle.
A utilitarian job would be utterly pointless to me, I need something to put my heart and mind into.
I need to go deeply into things but nobody I know is like this; very often, less brooding, subjective people are telling me to "take a step back" which is very annoying. Ruminating is my second nature, I couldn't be less light-hearted. I'm also extremely stubborn (if not obsessive) when something is meaningful to me and contradicting people is my second nature too.




Precisions about my chart.


My Scorpio rising and Pluto in conjunction are opposite Mars.
Pluto square Jupiter.
Saturn sextile Pluto.
Neptune sextile Pluto.

Sun in the second house.

Venus, Moon, Mercury, Uranus, Neptune trine Virgo Midheaven. What does it mean? I read it's important in term of vocation.
And the six planets stellium in the second house?

Mars in seven house trine Saturn and North Node.


What are my strengths and weakness beside what I mentioned? What kind of occupation could I do to earn money and find my place?
Don't hesitate to tell me about everything you see in my chart.
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Haumea
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Re: I need help to read my chart.

Post by Haumea »

Hello,

I am a twenty-eight years old male born 18 December 1990 at 5:45 A.M in France.
Never worked, stuck at the university, no friend, social and scholar retard. Since the age of nineteen I am socially isolated. Consequently, I never learned how to live in society like normal people. In their twenties people have experiences, they travel, they have good time, they work and all but I am a sort of unconventional hermit lost in the modern world...
You have 3 retrograde planets - Mercury, Mars and Jupiter, so don't worry about being a late bloomer -- those planets are usually held back until you reach your thirties.
Haumea
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Re: I need help to read my chart.

Post by Haumea »

Haumea wrote: Sun Jun 16, 2019 5:58 pm
Hello,

I am a twenty-eight years old male born 18 December 1990 at 5:45 A.M in France.
Never worked, stuck at the university, no friend, social and scholar retard. Since the age of nineteen I am socially isolated. Consequently, I never learned how to live in society like normal people. In their twenties people have experiences, they travel, they have good time, they work and all but I am a sort of unconventional hermit lost in the modern world...
You have 3 retrograde planets - Mercury, Mars and Jupiter, so don't worry about being a late bloomer -- those planets are usually held back until you reach your thirties.


As far as career - have you ever considered music/dance or drama? Strangely enough you could be a film actor.
Haumea
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Re: I need help to read my chart.

Post by Haumea »

Haumea wrote: Sun Jun 16, 2019 6:12 pm
Haumea wrote: Sun Jun 16, 2019 5:58 pm
Hello,

I am a twenty-eight years old male born 18 December 1990 at 5:45 A.M in France.
Never worked, stuck at the university, no friend, social and scholar retard. Since the age of nineteen I am socially isolated. Consequently, I never learned how to live in society like normal people. In their twenties people have experiences, they travel, they have good time, they work and all but I am a sort of unconventional hermit lost in the modern world...
You have 3 retrograde planets - Mercury, Mars and Jupiter, so don't worry about being a late bloomer -- those planets are usually held back until you reach your thirties.


As far as career - have you ever considered music/dance or drama? Strangely enough you could be an actor, or in the very least something with the arts.
AuthenticSeeker
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Re: I need help to read my chart.

Post by AuthenticSeeker »

Thanks for your answer Haumea!


So I'm not a loser but a late bloomer! Nice to hear that. What does mean retrograde? What are the concrete implications, the drawbacks of Mercury, Mars and Jupiter retrograde? Why are they? From what I read, Jupiter is good in Leo and in the ninth house but mine certainly don't have many aspects.




As far as career - have you ever considered music/dance or drama? Strangely enough you could be an actor, or in the very least something with the arts.



Why actor? How do you see this?
Yes, I have considered music and drama. At least I was in the beginning of the decade before I went through many overwhelming existential crisis. I read Pluto with the ascendant was all about crisis and deep transformations and I'm indeed a lot like this! But my stubborn Mars in Taurus is afraid of the new so I'm struggling a lot internally.
At eighteen, nineteen my dream was to be a movie actor or director but various factors didn't allow this wish to become a reality. I live in a small city, it's lame in term of opportunities to play in movies and meeting influential people of the milieu... I don't have much self confidence. I'm very shy and uptight and I couldn't be less sociable. I often have been told I am a good conversationalist when I'm speaking to someone alone but I feel lost and very uncomfortable in social situations with too much people. In a room full of noisy people I'm the mute aloof guy trying hard to be invisible, analyzing his anxious feelings and people interactions.


Concerning music, I feel one with it when I listen to it, I feel deeply. I'm literally in an other world when I'm listening songs religiously.
I took some drum lessons years ago and I really loved the instrument but unfortunately, as I don't live in a house I can't buy one because it's a loud instrument, you need some soundproof place if you want to play for hours without bothering anyone.
I have an acoustic guitar and the rare times I tried I liked it (making some harmonious sound makes me feel more peaceful, grounded) and I have been encouraged to practice but my inner ruminations and issues are taking me all my energy.
I would like to sing too but I'm so inhibited I don't dare, even in a lonely place with only non judgmental, peaceful trees as spectators.
By inhibited I mean I want too much to control, hence I'm creatively stuck. For instance, if I take my guitar or try to sing, my mind will make me feel something like "What are you doing? It's ridiculous" then I start to think about what I wanted to express... Maybe it's the Moon-Mercury conjunction and from what I read and from my experience a Capricorn Moon is quite serious, cold and intellectualizing. As a result, I get introspective more than emotionally expressing through music or anything. And maybe that's why I fail to create an emotional connexion why someone even if I want it badly. Even when I feel intensely I get too intellectual... If I drink few beers I'm more able to open spontaneously but the risk is coming way too strong since I'm internalizing a lot. It's very frustrating, especially with the opposite sex. Either I'm too intellectual when being emotional is possible and needed, either I'm overly emotional in a frightening (if not violent) way. Or emotional at distance, through writings.
On one side, I can be very warm, naturally gentle, very soft, empathetic which are qualities appreciated by girls... On the other side I have this great hidden violence who erupt when I feel insecure and it's hard to not feel insecure around a girl sooner of later.


Not only your suggestion is interesting but pretty funny because in life I see myself as a character (I'm observing and feeling people a lot and they say actors are doing this. I went to some theater group five years ago but the director and people were mediocre, not artistic nor inventive. The director who should have been a military didn't accept self expression...) or I fantasize I'm a great tormented romantic songwriter but it's all in my head. I have hard time to make action. I'm horribly lazy, except for writing. This is the only thing I can do for hours. If my English is a bit clumsy, keep in mind it's not my native language and that I'm still learning it. Tell me if my English is good enough! I want to improve.
Do you see a potential writer in my chart?
In drama and music I may have potential but I totally lack skills for sure.





As for my birth place, I'm born in Saint-Maur-Des-Fossés. If you don't find it select Paris it's very near.
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Noel Eastwood
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Re: I need help to read my chart.

Post by Noel Eastwood »

Dear Seeker, you certainly have chosen a suitable name for yourself as it fits your chart extremely well.

Your Scorpio Asc conjunct Pluto from the 12th house suggests just how deeply you go when you do your introspections and reflections. There is a lot about insecurity in your chart, as you have already pointed out, that plus the tendency to brood and withdraw into your cave. You live to discover yourself and that is what your path needs, a direction to do just that - find yourself.

Can I suggest that you subscribe to my astrology course and newsletter? They are both free and will give you an idea of what you might do to get started on this path of discovery.

I'm not going into your chart right now, I want you to read what I have just said first, reflect and then decide what you want to do. If you want to learn more about astrology and how it may apply to your personal growth then reply to this post. I will walk you slowly through the most important points in your chart and show you a path through life using psychological and archetypal astrology which can make things a bit easier for you.
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AuthenticSeeker
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Re: I need help to read my chart.

Post by AuthenticSeeker »

Hello Noel Eastwood,



Thank you.
I will read your free lessons.
Pluto in 12th house? With the astrotheme's chart it's in the first and it show a Sun-Moon conjunction that I don't see here. Degrees aren't exactly the same.
Where are the five trines (Vénus, Mercury, Moon, Uranus, Neptune) in my Virgo midheaven?

So you see a lot of insecurity, that's a start! In which way?
Can you tell me about Mercury, Mars and Jupiter retrograde?
As I said in a previous post I would like to know what is my vocation.
What is the meaning of my Capricorn stellium in the second house? I really wonder.
What are the good career possibilities considering my Virgo Midheaven (with trines from the second house) and the whole chart?
And most importantly, what do you see about love?
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Noel Eastwood
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Re: I need help to read my chart.

Post by Noel Eastwood »

Hi Authentic, I see you want to know everything but I'm afraid that just doesn't happen in life even with astrology. Sometimes one must work a bit and gain from personal experience and study. There is nothing secret about astrology or your chart but I think it best that you do some of the work yourself.

Sometimes charts vary, that happens depending on the house system used. You have a bit to learn about astrology, if you are interested in learning it properly I suggest that you find a good school of astrology and study with them. In other words do it properly and not just reading the internet. The questions that you ask are certainly valid but they can be found but doing some research of your own. We are volunteers here and answering the myriad questions that we get simply takes time that we don't have. I'll stick to pointing out your key features and you do some study to learn the basics, then we can have a conversation about how to put them together, how does that sound?

Your insecurity comes from your isolated Sun which has a quincunx with Chiron and a slightly wide conjunction with your Moon. You were born on a new moon.

The main feature in your chart that I think you should start with is the Sun and learning what the Sun represents in your psyche. How about you do some research and come back to me with some of your thoughts on your Sun, not just Sun in Sag or Sun in the 2nd house but what it means to you personally. That can only be found out by doing serious study. Why the Sun? Because it is poorly but strongly aspected and because it is the most important facet of the psyche for a male.
AuthenticSeeker
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Re: I need help to read my chart.

Post by AuthenticSeeker »


Your insecurity comes from your isolated Sun which has a quincunx with Chiron and a slightly wide conjunction with your Moon. You were born on a new moon.
The main feature in your chart that I think you should start with is the Sun and learning what the Sun represents in your psyche. How about you do some research and come back to me with some of your thoughts on your Sun, not just Sun in Sag or Sun in the 2nd house but what it means to you personally. That can only be found out by doing serious study. Why the Sun? Because it is poorly but strongly aspected and because it is the most important facet of the psyche for a male.



Sun is a star and a unconditional giver.
I don't see how my Sagittarius Sun is isolated, for he is near the ascendant and very close to my Capricorn stellium, which is surely significant but I don't know what to think of my stellium. I read that a stellium was an indicator of a specific ability or gift but I don't know mines is and I would like to know. It could be life changing.



To someone with a Pluto Mars opposition you answered,

Pluto is deep, the deep psyche, he rules the underworld, the deep unconscious. Mars is the warrior, the little kid who runs around trying to catch butterlfies one minute then pestering mum for an ice-cream and next he is running across the road amongst the traffic. Mars is great, he is alive, full of energy and enthusiasm. But he can be rather unpleasant when he is frustrated and has no outlet for his energy. That is what Pluto is doing, he is holding Mars down and not letting him run and play.



This make sense to me since I have this aspect. I think my insecurity is coming from my retrograde Mars in Taurus in opposition with the ascendant and Pluto (I'm not sure I have Pluto in the first or twelve house, astrotheme's chart say the first, astrodient and your chart, the 12th).
I read a Mars in the 7th house opposite Pluto could be catastrophic.
I would like to go more deeply into this aspect because Mars is important for a male.
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Noel Eastwood
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Re: I need help to read my chart.

Post by Noel Eastwood »

A, your Sun is not completely isolated but I want you to understand that the Sun is important as it gives life, without the physical sun, a star as you said, there is no life on planet Earth. Think about it for a minute, what does the sun do? Sheds warmth on everyone, good and bad people alike, it is generous giving all the time. The only interrupotion is at night but then he is shining his love on the other side of the planet, he shares his sunshine / love with everyone. The other interrutpion is a cloudy and raining day, dust storms and other weather conditions.

In other words the Sun in our chart reflects this generous and kind force. As an archetype your Sun only wants to give you the kindness he is capable of. He has no other agenda than to help you shine.

This is a very important meditation I would like you to try:- create an inner sanctuary in your mind, a lovely place where you feel safe. Look up into the sky and call out to the Sun to come down to you in a human form. When he does that, and he will, I want you to spend time talking with him, getting to know him. Ask any questions you like, then ask him to hold your hands and to send all of his light and love into your body - feel it, soak it up like a sponge in the desert. Then get back to me with your experience. This is a meditation that you can do every day of your life.

Pluto Mars opposition, yes you have this and I'm glad you found something on the forum to support you. Unfortunetely I don't always have a great deal of time to spend on each person's chart. We are all volunteers here on the forum and we all have a million other things to do, but astrology is my life so fortunately there was someone with a similar chart aspect that you could read, well done.

This aspect is incredibly powerful because your Pluto is conjunct, and according to the data you gave me, is applying from the 12th house. Pluto may be exact conjunct or it could be separating and already in the 1st house, either way it is powerful because of its conjunction with the Asc. The opposition to Mars is not catastrophic, please forget everything you've read on the internet written by people who aren't professioanl astrologers, most of it is rubbish. Your Pluto opp Mars crossing the 1st - 7th axis is incredible - this is perhaps your most important teacher for this lifetime.

Now for your second meditation:- imagine you can simply drop into your chart and stand in the middle. Look around and see the smiling faces of each house cusp sign and each planet. Walk around and introduce yourself to everyone. These are your archetypes, the forces within you that reflect specific facets of your personality. Don't rush this meditation even though it may only be 5 minutes. It helps if you can do it daily while you study astrology. In fact you should get a copy of my two books on psychological astrology so that you know what to look for in your interactions with the archetypes.

OK, now that you are on the path to understand yourself better, which I call the 'Mystic's Quest', I would like you to journal every meditation, dream and insight you have. This becomes the record of your journey and you will find it incredibley interesting to read in a few years time.

Next time you post and report your experiences, please ask me about your stellium. I've avoided it so far because it is huge and complex and I wanted you to first lay some foundations down otherwise what I say won't mean much. Get serious with your free course too, this is what it is all about - reading your own chart.

Catch you when you have some things to share with me, and don't rush it. The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step, and you have now taken it - enjoy the journey.
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