I have some curiosity as to which of my chart’s aspects has influenced my life experiences

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sourgrapes
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I have some curiosity as to which of my chart’s aspects has influenced my life experiences

Post by sourgrapes »

I’m curious as to what aspects in my chart can be correlated to some of my major life events. Im going to list some of them in order of occurrence and hopefully someone can help me identify what aspects specifically had influence on these events to happen.
•had repressed memories of sexual abuse by a relative come up at age 11, but was convinced by my father(and myself) that i had made it up. This caused me to have an overwhelming feeling of guilt inside, my whole life. As well as causing self-doubt and an issue trusting myself in regards to almost anything.
•was tricked into meeting up with my father and ended up being “kidnapped” by him at age 12. Weird things happened during this escapade, but what probably affected me the most was being forced to make a video denouncing my mother as my mother, calling her foul things, etc. this video was posted to Vimeo and is still up to this day(12 years later). My siblings and mother were very angry with me for getting myself into this mess and I was grounded from using the internet or seeing any friends for 2 years.
•at 12-13, I started to act out. Lying to my mom, sneaking out of the house, being sexually active, all while having traumatic scenarios unfold due to my risky activities.
•at age 13/14 I started to develop PTSD and psychosomatic illnesses that affected my quality of life
•was able to test out of high school officially at age 15
•spent ages 15-18 in almost complete isolation(no friends or relationships, just hospital visits, doctors appointments and my family)
•turned 18 and became very sexually active, impulsive, and risky, once again. example: I met up with a guy to have sex for money. I was abandoned at a sex shop with no phone service and had all of my stuff(including important medications) stolen from me.
•met a guy on tinder, had him come pick me up from the sex shop, where a toxic relationship that lasted 5 years began.
•over time, I started to become triggered by witnessing sexual activity of any sort, which would leave me in a fight, flight, or freeze state(all the while being very sexually active myself, to the point of having a very successful Onlyfans and being a webcam model) for some reason my sexual activity has stayed compartmentalized in regards to my trauma(I’d really love to know what might influence that ability to internalize and compartmentalize so well)
•began having nightmares every night, without fail(I’d gladly go into detail about my dreams because I think there is some serious symbolism intertwined in them)

And here I am now, 24 years old, acting as a live-in nanny for my sister, not able to drive, work a conventional job, or go to school due to my health conditions. I’d love to know what you guys might notice in my chart. I’m open to answering questions as well if it helps! Let me know if my chart is illegible. And please no “you should seek professional help” comments…as I’m already under the correct and appropriate care of physicians and therapists and am simply curious as to what aspects have had such a profound affect on my life experiences.
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