Pluto's Cave Newsletter

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Pluto's Cave Newsletter

Post by admin » Sat Apr 07, 2018 11:38 am

An extract from Noel Eastwood's latest Newsletter of 2nd April 2018. (Remember that you can sign up to receive this Newsletter regularly):

"Hi and welcome to another Pluto's Cave newsletter.

Gender Differences - What the Research says

This is a summary of some basic differences between the sexes that may help us communicate better. So often I counselled couples with relationship problems. Often, once we ha examined what was actually happening, I would point out that their communication was actually mis-communication. By recognising your own gender style of communicating and relating you can then start to identify patterns that you might want to change, or adapt to a better style. As we all know, communication rules in relationships.

Caveat - these are generalisations only, I know, and you know, people who just don't fit these gender styles.

Communication Styles

♀- women focus on feeling and connecting, they socialise in particular ways, for instance girls will share their conversation and add to it in turns, conversations go around the group generally as a polite conversation, they can listen and when they complain they are generally looking for a listener not an answer.
♂- men are directional, in a group they will compete against each other in the conversations, they will argue over who did what and try to win a conversation by telling the top story or top joke, they seek answers rather than just listen (that's one to watch boys), and they can have trouble taking turns.

Problem Solving Styles

♀- women discuss issues co-operatively the pros and cons of the issue; they tend to consider the social, personal and emotional implications and consequences before acting. Girls tend to listen to empathise with the speaker not solve their problems.
♂- men tend towards analysis and try to solve the problem then and there. They will listen long enough to come up with potential solutions to the problem.

Friendship Styles

♀—women tend to seek security and social acceptance, they seek a sense of belonging regardless of cost. They will engage in social and emotional bullying rather than physical bullying (though girls are becoming more violent).
♂—men certainly do seek social standing much like women do, they enjoy being at the top of a hierarchy - of being on top, competitive and aggressive. Men are taught that it's OK to use aggression and underhanded tactics to get there, they are taught to admire success. Hero worship is common and in terms of risk taking and dangerous behaviour - the bigger the risk the bigger the thrill, and the more admired they become.

Emotional Styles

♀—women will visit their medical professional for depression than males. When women cry they tend to release tension, it helps to cry.
♂—men, 3 times as many males as females will succeed in a suicide attempt. Men cry when they hurt inside. It's more to do with grief and loss than a release of tension. They cry but it doesn't help all that much.

Aggression and violent behaviours

Traditionally men dominated binge drinking in pubs and clubs, driving dangerously and taking dangerous risks, particularly when drunk. These are accepted as common male, particularly teenage male, behaviours. If you want to find a depressed or angry male look in the local bar, though females are now catching up in with violent behaviour and assaults, binge drinking and driving dangerous especially when drinking. We can no longer state that women are the gentle sex, just ask your local police just how dangerous women are becoming. When I worked in juvenile prison there were fewer girls, but those girls were many times more violent then the boys. There are many factors for this and I won't go into them here, but girls in the western world are becoming more violent against other girls in particular, against their parents and siblings and finally against their partners and children.

Addiction Styles

♀ + ♂— both suffer from addictive personality disorders - gambling, drug and prescribed medicine addiction, painkillers, tranquilisers, alcoholism, sex, crime—all are characteristics of being over aroused (hyperactive and impulsive). Binge drinking by males and females leads to the anaesthesis of internal emotional pain, males may have the edge on females in this department at the moment but it is slipping.

Learning Style

♀—girls can generally sit still and listen, have difficulty with spatial / visual / gross motor tasks. Their communication and social Executive Functions develop a lot faster than boys. A western style education environment is very strongly geared towards this learning style, sit still, listen, write things down. Women are genetically programmed to foster harmony in the household, they have learned to read body language and vocal intonations to determine if the family member is happy or sad. A fractured family or tribe is vulnerable.
♂—boys generally can’t sit still and listen, however they do excel at spatial / visual / gross motor tasks. Their problem solving and visio-spatial processing Executive Functions develop a lot faster than girls. Boys are genetically programed to hunt and protect their family, in other words they are action oriented and rarely pick up the emotional undertones in the family home.

There are few Learning Disordered classes in Italy, Spain & Germany (compared to the English speaking world) because their language is spelled how it is pronounced. English is not an easy language to spell and read (pronounce) which is why we have many learning and reading tutors and centers to help students who struggle with reading. "

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
Chinese proverb

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