Matters of beneficial and healthy friendships and mentors

[illuminosaImmortalis]

Date of birth : 17-May-1989
Place : Bilaspur (Himachal Pradesh) India
Gender : Male
Time : 16:02 hrs


I have always felt a lack of not being able to get appropriate friendships and mentors for any kind of fulfilment, be it matters of studies, research, passions, career etc. It has been a journey of aloneness, and what I have always got was opposite --> Manipulation, competition, exclusion, avoidance from peers and mentors. Even I have faced teachers and mentors that envied and ignored me and looked for opportunities to insult me and put me down.

I feel extremely directionless and painfully alone, devoid of healthy friendships/mentors resulting in stagnation and no expansion in any sphere : career, learning, knowledge etc. and rather there is toxicity in form of Manipulation, competition, exclusion, avoidance, overwhelmingly challenging environments/situations and hence I have to refrain from these people to prevent more damage. I won't call myself as an introvert, but I am selectively sociable with people whom i feel aligned to.

I'd like to ask that why is there lack of healthy mutually-beneficial friendships and mentors in my life ? Also, how to rise above the phenomena of toxic people around and manifest in life wise , knowledgeable and helpful nurturing mentors and also healthy and congenial friendships.

Guidance on handling emotional sensitivity, which is worst afflicted when in contact with toxic people, would also be appreciated.

Thank you

[admin]

Dear Illuminosa...,

You are surely going through a very difficult period when this whole matter is coming to a head, and the fact that you are here now asking about it and stating it so clearly shows that, although you still have some distance to go to work through this, you are surely now on the path.

The truth is you are blessed with many gifts and I feel you are experiencing the kind of treatment you getting from such people in order to find your own Path and discover those gifts yourself, rather than being influenced by others such as peers and mentors, or of receiving affirmation from such persons. Naturally we all need this kind of approval, but for you it is a particularly intense need, especially at this time.

At this point you are coming to your ‘Saturn Return’ which is the beginning of a major new cycle when you will find that this separation and lack of support is – hard though it is to see and understand right now – exactly what you need. This Saturn Return is the next stage of growth and maturity and one in which indeed, you will ‘separate yourself’ from your peers and from the influence of others and of parents and your past, as you start to find and go your own way in life.

Added to this, what is a difficult time all of itself, transiting Pluto has been in difficult aspect to your Moon/Ascendant and 7th House (relationships with others), and this alone makes it hard for you to see yourself and others in anything but a negative light. As it’s also conjunct your 4th House cusp (home/family/roots and past) this area too is undergoing a massive change and you may be finding that there too, you are not getting the support you feel you need.

In fact, may find that you feel alienated from your parents as you go through this deep internal transformation, and perhaps there were problems with one or both parents when you were young which is now affecting the way in which you deal with other people, especially those in authority, or in fact, anyone you believe is challenging you. Even if in reality they are not trying to do this, you are so sensitive to the possibility that you react automatically, and in ways you yourself may not always understand. Though, with your strong sense of fairness you are able to justify this – to yourself at least – and so you can’t understand why others can’t see what you can see.

In other words, your strong sense of justice and fairness is one of the things being most challenged through all of this, and so it may be that you can become overly defensive which will also result in others feeling challenged and reacting negatively.

The main issue here is that your intensity and forcefulness can put others off, and cause them to back off and avoid you. It’s all about power struggles and the harder you push the more they’ll resist and shun you, or else work against you (or at least appear to work against you).

One of the other issues here is that you desperately need to feel 'in control', not least of all because you feel less in control than ever before. And it’s vital that you try to see and understand this, not only in yourself but in your relationships with others. In fact, ultimately this will all eventually help you to find some peace and to realise that when you’re challenged, it is to help you understand why this keeps happening to you.

I think that during this next month or two you’ll start to feel a shift and begin to understand and see where this massive transformation is leading.

I do hope that this helps in some small way at least, and do please ask more – if you wish to – and I’ll do my best to assist. However, I feel strongly that it would really help you to consult a psychologist during this very difficult period, or at the very least to ‘go on a retreat’ somewhere where you can quietly meditate on your life. Preferably the former though as I do think that you need someone who understands and can guide you through this major life-changing period.

Best,
Admin.