Breakup anxiety

[buddhabellies]

i just got out of a long term relationship with someone I thought I would be with forever. I haven’t haven’t spoken to him in a month now and I am proactive in moving on as I have blocked his number to prevent him from coming back or reaching out to me again. But I’ve been feeling pressure and anxiety to settle down. Are marriage and children meant to be in my future? I’m worried it will never happen for me. I have a great career and family life but my love life is sad. I am working on myself to improve what I did wrong in my past relationships. Thank you so much in advance.

[admin]

Hi buddhabellies,

After I had written a reply to this I noticed that you had asked this same question in the Vedic Astrology area and had received a reply from deepastro who has clearly given a positive and very helpful response. And so, I'm only posting this reply here because I had already written it and perhaps there's something here that another point of view may help further.

I would say that you’re a very individualistic person which can interfere with sustaining a relationship as it can become hard to subsume your individuality to another in a long-term relationship. But having said that, when you do get deeply involved in a relationship, you may tend to feel that it’s the one you always dreamed of and hoped for, and then find it hard to see their reality ? Then when their reality becomes visible, it pains you too much to be able to sustain it. I suspect that relationships are a bit of a see-saw for you as you may swing from a struggle to retain your identity/’being yourself’ or being true to yourself, and to ‘give in’ and ‘be nice’ to keep the harmony.

Somehow I think that you may, perhaps unwittingly, take on the other person’s pain and identify with it. This makes it hard for you to sustain the relationship. And perhaps you then even unconsciously drive them away ? So perhaps it is necessary to recognise and be aware of this possibility in any future relationship. I might even suggest that a partner may provide a mirror for your own inner pain, so it’s important that you recognise that it is your ‘wound’ and not theirs so that in this way, you can see them for who they are rather than projecting something from within yourself onto them.

You have a beautiful Venus and can be very loving, and you deserve love in return, so if you are aware of the above propensities, then there is no reason why you can’t have a wonderful and lasting relationship in your life. Perhaps now though, you might be feeling the pressure of time with regard to having children and so one of the dangers here is that others may sense this urgency which naturally can interfere with the smooth and natural development of a relationship.

I do feel that during these next few years you may well meet someone (or a number of ‘someone’s’) who inspire and excite you, and with whom you can truly be yourself. Whether this will result in children, that’s a bit hard to say. But certainly it will result in some exciting and rewarding relationships in which you will find that you are truly able to ‘be yourself’ without needing to keep trying to appease or please them.

The area of your chart that has to do with ‘offspring’ suggests very strongly that you would surely have children. But this can also relate to any ‘creative product’ or procreation...what do you do to express this creativity ? Certainly I would think that you are constantly re-creating your Self at the very least, though I know that’s not exactly what you want to hear at this point. Really, re this question of having children, I don’t know, but I do think that the ‘urge’ to do so will lessen and get channeled into other very fulfilling and creative areas. However, given that Vedic astrology and certainly deepastro are very good at determining the matter of procreation, then I think you have your answer.

I do hope my efforts here help in some way too.

Best,
Admin.

[buddhabellies]

I really appreciate you taking the time for your detailed response and letting me know about my post in the Vedic section because I forgot! (:

I do feel like I have a strong personality and I would like to compromise more in my future relationships. When you mentioned my inner pain and projecting them onto my partner, that’s exactly what I did in my last relationship.

You also nailed it when you mentioned me recreating myself.

Thank you so much for your insights and your encouragement. I have been feeling sad for awhile over the breakup but you have restored my optimism about the future.