A chart of failure?

[SunnyGirl12]

So, some background. I've apparently always been co-dependent and I'm not making progress in life. I've even been through a lapse in sanity in the last several years and ended up very low income and on disability due to my inability to work consistently. This past year I decided to return to school and get a degree and try again at working... before my parents who are my primary support, eventually pass on. I'm having trouble with nicotine addiction and am trying to ween myself off of psychiatric medications for more clarity of thought so I can accomplish a job. It's my addiction to nicotine that scares me the most in holding down a good job. I'm actually making straight A's at school, but I'm also not working so I have time to study.

Can you look at my chart and tell me if there is relief and self-sufficiency in sight and an ability to stick with it. Are relationships highlighted? I'm 41, but I would like to marry and have a child before I am too old, but I worry about a failing relationship and losing custody due to my inability to hold a job to date

[Noel Eastwood]

my dear sunny, you sure are sensitive, you give your power away too quickly my friend. The best advice I can give you is for you to find yourself, I think you live so much for and thru others that Sunnygirl is sometimes absent.

You are someone who has enormous potential to extend beyond mean physical limitations, but it causes you to 'feel' way too much. That makes you sensitive, you pick up on others energy and moods and it knocks you around. By working on your energy body, thru meditation, you will start to consolidate yourself, 'Sunnygirl'.

So tell me a bit about how you meditate and how you manage to relax - maybe a bit about your dreaming too.

[SunnyGirl12]

Well, I guess my problem is that I managed to isolate myself by withdrawing from people. I got really into studying psychic ties and I thought that I found a way to improverify everyone's condition. That there are no traffic jams of desire, only ones of frustration. That if everyone got honest and changed occupations, that people would find true happiness and a key to longevity. I worked on this with a passion and it made me enemies, as I live in a conservative area and could not make the networking happen. My vision was a bit grandious. I think I fell pray to the YOD aspect on my chart.

Now, I try to deal with my reality as it is and I find it almost debilitatingly depressing. I really cheated myself out of a decade of my life chasing a delusion and I'm afraid that I can't pull it together enough to be 'normal'. I have great fears that I won't wake up on time in the morning for a job and that I will get fired for having a nicotine/cigarette addiction to boot. I'm afraid that I won't be able to have children and a relationship because I feel like a drug addict even though I don't take any.

I'm not sure if you can see my chart. It's not allowed for me to see it although it posted last night. I think my problems started when Saturn toured my 12th house 10 years ago and I'm not sure that I understand it's energies enough to make it work for me. But I thank you for your questions. I feel already in a little more control by being asked and explaining.

I'm going to try to do my best to move out in to my own apartment in December and to take charge of my life again although I will be on a very low income. I'm going to attend my classes and hope for the best in a job next summer that could change my life.

[Noel Eastwood]

that's a good start Sunny, Saturn seeks to bring order and structure into a persons life, he usually does that by pulling things down that aren't working and helping you rebuild them. He's now in your 3rd House so ordering an structuring your thoughts and small habits, he's helping you focus on doing small things orderly and properly. Saturn isn't bad, he's just powerfully demanding when he wants to help, a bit bossy. He would be an energy form, archetype, that can help you focus and stay focused.

I would like you to do a lot more relaxation, any form of relaxation, no magical stuff, no trying to heal the world, just focus on your needs. And I want you to look at how you can nurture and love yourself. Some inner hugs is a good place to start.

[SunnyGirl12]

I can definitely say that it's been felt in my third house. I've definitely had to restructure how I relate to my siblings in the last few years and my finances went through a major break down in the years before that. In fact, I'd say that finances are some of my greater concerns at the moment. I'll work on my thoughts and habits so that I can change those for the better and perhaps mitigate some of the ravaging that a saturn might do. I can't say that I'm looking forward to the future transits of it, but I guess I have no choice. I will do my best to relax, with no magic thinking except for legally prescribed anti-anxiety. Is there any prep work that can be done. I'd like to have a family, but it seems destined for a teardown when Saturn transits my fourth house in the next few years.

[Noel Eastwood]

prep work is learn to relax, watch your dreams, set some simple, short-term achievable goals and work towards them. Go back to basics of survival and lay thjose foundations Saturn is trying so hard t help you with.

[SunnyGirl12]

Can you see from my chart.... Am I in a position to realize my dreams? I stress over making a career to sustain myself when my passion is to be a stay at home mom and nurture children and re-experience wonder in thr world through them. Do you see any marriage aspects in my chart coming up? Is it possible that I am stressing out about career as a lack of trust that I will find the love, family, and home that I seek? My boyfriend tells me to relax all the time, but he is also very busy. Is he an emanation or embodiment of Saturn, but also on that might reward me with a family if I just learn to relax and accept it coming my way?

[Noel Eastwood]

Sunny, your chart shows you do need to relax. If you wish to realise your dreams then please, slow things down. Please, work on what it suggests for this time, order and structure your thoughts and habits, and learn deep relaxation. I know it's not what you wanted to hear but sadly astrology does have it's limits.

[SunnyGirl12]

I get that I need to relax. I guess I just thought there might be some astrological insights that I could investigate. Could you be more specific about chart aspects to examine? Like Uranus transiting my chiron in the seventh? Or pluto aspect? Or what may be causinG all the anxiety. I really am quite relaxed, too relaxed I feel at times, like Ive gone slightly retarded compared to how other people must feel. I'm not meant for the disabled life, but I have one more year of it before I can return to work, doctors orders, but I'm ready to progress in relationships at the very least and do all the foundations work that I can to make it a smooth transition.

[Noel Eastwood]

ok, some meditation for you: Pluto conjunct Libra Ascendant ; Moon opposing Mars and Mercury. That should keep you busy for some months