How can I balance out my 7th house love curse

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Vibra
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Re: How can I balance out my 7th house love curse

Post by Vibra »

Today my oesson was about gratitude .. about every time life bailed me out when I was making decisions based on fear, insecurity or just pure ego. I used to think my challenges were the proof of life's disdain for my peace of mind ... it turns out most of the time I i had done, said something or put myself in some situation and was bailed out every single time..

It was such an interesting ( and difficult ) moment to admit I had been the culprit of most o of the things I was angry about and somehow kept missing the hints and so the events kept repeating like a never ending pattern until I got it ... and every time the lesson got more blatantly in my face and i couldn't/wouldn't see them.

And today it was rubbed in my face in a way I could no longer ignore ... and my sheer lack of gratitude that used to feel justified became the face of my shame : I went through life complaining, unstatisfied by everything even when it was what I wanted at first, impatient because things weren't changing fast enough and then upset because things were going to quick ... I have been bailed out, supported, hinted, guided, protected countless times in this life and have never actually felt the gratitude because somehow since I have a very challenging childhood - I was entitled ...

Such a huge reveal for me to realize I was entitled after finding out I was driven by ego ... I realized I was more like my father than I could have ever thought and I despised him for being this way ... probably because it was too close to home.

So my lesson this week is gratitude, I should bathe in it, get inspired in it - not the type of gratitude you feel because you're secretly trying to get something ... the genuine gratitude you feel when you're appreciative of something because you realize just how lucky you are... I have been told to do the magic by Rhonda Byrnes and watch videos, meditations while walking around saying thank you in my head...

Today was definitely a day of gratitude : my doctor's appointment was brought forwrard and on the way, while afraid I asked for some supportive sign because I wanted to know I was not going in there alone and everything would be fine - i kept seeing ' near' on the road on this das written in big letter .. I eventually drive by and stop at the signboard that says :

' For you, there always is a solution.. all over the place we're always near you'

I smiled and went in there more reassured and the doctors were not only amazing but confirmed I am healthy ...

This whole day was an eye opener .. surely more to come but I have to say after feeling a bit off the past few days , thank you Noel for guiding me towards the self realization I have been needing and looking for ... it's everything and so much more : it's changing my life !
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Noel Eastwood
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Re: How can I balance out my 7th house love curse

Post by Noel Eastwood »

Lol, did I say you had a bit of the 'Drama Queen' in you as well?

Vibra, a tough time is a tough time, it means many things, when you get stressed you get sick, I do, everyone does. Not all of us die of it though, lol. Life is cyclic, when you subscribe to my web site you'll get my weekly newsletters and one of them is about cycles. We live cycles, we love cycles, but sometimes we get stuck on the wheel like chewing gum and forget to let go. Your task is to learn to let go when you're at the top and not hang on till you get squished at the bottom.

OK, back to your meditations my dear daughter, everyone goes thru cycles learning to meditate. I took years to learn how to meditate, and I mean it, years and years. It took me 13 years to open all my chakras but then I had to learn how to close them because I got sick from being way too sensitive, to everything.

What you are experiencing is nothing I haven't been through, that's why I am on this forum teaching others, I've been to hell and back and survived. You have been doing something that is truly amazing and insightful. Now that you've discovered your inner world your next step is to get into the habit of visiting it daily, drop in even if it is just to say "Hi!" to everyone. You have Sun and Moon and your inner selves to hug and chat with, you can even just swing in the hammock and go extremely deep, just let go. Maybe even ask the archetypes to do some healing on your mind, body and spirit while you're taking a nice healing nap.

You have an entire lifetime to refine these meditations, not just 2 weeks. So calm down, you ain't dying. I've died many times but keep coming back, so have you so have all of us. It's... cyclic, life is cycles within cycles. This cycle of yours is to learn to relax, when you're ready we'll go to the next step. But for now, deep calming relaxations, some nice warm hugs and let go.

The bottom line is that I see you have potential, I see that you are walking your path, the hardships were there to bring you here, to this point in time. All is correct, all is as it should be, there is a purpose to you freaking out right now. It's all part of your learning.

So, when we hit the wall what do we do? We first stop banging our head on it, then we put our back against it and slide down to take a nap :)
Vibra
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Re: How can I balance out my 7th house love curse

Post by Vibra »

So nice'to have you back !!! How was Fiji ? Hope your family was all well, all fun , all love .. And yes I'm a total drama queen, been all my life - I excel at making everything a performance which is why I was a performer until some point this year ( I decided I don't want the attention or the dependency on external validation anymore... )

The passed few days have been a bit rough because my anxiety kicked in ( being low Carb and not drinking enough water messed up my electrolytes and my powerful mind managed to make it a whole 3 day performance all about ... you guessed it : her survival . I digress ... ) The lessons have slowed down but I do go in everyday... because I realized it was difficult for me to stay in gratitude, in lightness... everything in my life seems to be sorting itself out ... so I think my former natural drama tendency is desperately looking for ways to not go where everything is well because then she thinks my drama queen-ness becomes obsolete ...

I have decided I don't want to be like anymore : overly driven, serious, dramatic, pessimistic, anxious and just so darn heavy all the time. I want to be lighter, loving, understanding, filled with unwavering faith, acceptance and just so much love and light... I don't think I was ever like that not even as a little girl .. Exteenally people see me that way but internatlly I'm the complete opposite - I am a Gemini ascendant after all - and that opposite has caught up to my reality .. so I'm basically being a complete split person these day and if s causing a lot of discomfort ... that I can deal with .. it's the anxiety and fear that is tricky bit to integrate ..

You're right though it's a cycle , being really high and accepting the lows knowing that it will peak again... 3 years ago today I experienced a very humiliating and heartbreaking event but it was also an opportunity for a lot of growth, circumstances that also change der my life I would say for the better to some extent. I just need to learn acceptance, letting go of my need to control the uncontrollable and integrate that faith that keeps eluding me .. life without faith is so unpleasant, I still need to find out how to build it strong.

But you're right one step at a time, i am definitely trying to figure out too much too quick .. #storyofmylife
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Noel Eastwood
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Re: How can I balance out my 7th house love curse

Post by Noel Eastwood »

Hey Vibra, phew, I was worried I'd lost you for a while, but you've bounced back. Remember this about yourself: the one thing you can do very well is you bounce back quickly. It's something use weird people into spiritualism can do, 'bounce back'.

OK, so now it's time to remember your basics, relax, meditate, every day, no excuses, every day routine is set aside 30 minutes no matter what. I did it to find myself, you need to do it to find yourself. Although my Ascendant is Capricorn, so discipline is a little easier for me, your Gemini is inspired, you need to harness that inspiration and urge to understand which is what lights Gemini's up, so be inspired and do your meditations regardless of how you feel.

Get back to me tomorrow and let me know what your inner world is up to now you've hit the wall and have recognised that this is not the easy path - it's even better, it's the 'pure' path.
Vibra
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Re: How can I balance out my 7th house love curse

Post by Vibra »

Hi Noel,

Today I woke up with a sense of gratitude. I have been having dreams that are so telling ... I woke up with the feeling I was going to have amazing news today and I was so filled with happy. I layes there for a while visiting my inner world, getting help to understand my dream better ( I was meeting a man in a high end hotel called vodka + ( go figure) ... he was a golfer, blond hair a little older for some reason I knew he was Dutch .. my friend was telling me how he was perfect and she would go for him if she was his type but it seemed he was into me.. I met up with him and made up an excuse to leave ... found myself miles away and dropping in my tracks wondering why I was running, I was thinking I'd never done this before, it was weird and I was scared because it was unknown and it would make me feel vulnerable. I also didn't want him to think I was easy ... eventually I decided to go back but coming back was difficult : I couldn't find a ride, hopped on a delivery truck and they dropped me somewhere I could catch a taxi at the entrance of another hotel that looked like a castle .. there was a bunch of people there fighting over cabs it was odd .. I eventually got in one though I didn't see that part I just found myself in the hotel room where he was laying there surprised I'd come back .lt was a small modest room and I openly told him I was a bit scared and insecure .. I didn't want him to expect anything more of me.. he said we could just lay here, cuddle and get to know each other better which is what we did ...

I had no idea what I was processing but my inner world visit says it's about how I process the things that scare me - intimacy being one of my biggest vulnerable spots. I ran following my fear only to realize I didn't want to run anymore so I came back and it turned out what I was afraid of was not even an issue if I just expressed it.

As I started my day with my usual gratitude list, blood pressure pills, I noticed some anxiety creep up ( which is a new thing I have these days when I take my meds or when I'm just sitting there really ) but this time I was fed up, frustrated because I had woken up so light and anticipating and now ego and pain body where finding reasons to sabotage it ... I flipped I sat there like a crazy woman and just told them off ... asking them to just disapear into archives long term memories where useless memories are destroyed because I had tried everything love, understanding, patience, authority, co-living but it didn't matter and now it was extending to something that was helping my body function, or helping me live a happier life and I just wasn't willing to go back to where they were trying to pull me and I wasn't willing to live like that anymore ... I genuinely flipped out and exhaled them.

It felt like I was literally losing my mind but you know what : it worked. I could finish my gratitude exercise and truly felt it, i got myself back to feeling closer to how I felt waking up this morning ... I'm still anticipating of something good coming and I'm looking forward to life surprising me pleasantly today because I am ready to receive.

I realize it's a constant battle of letting go, holding on, staying on top of things as well as allowing .. its this balance that I strive to achieve .. you're right the path is pure but I won't lie it's not easy -
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Noel Eastwood
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Re: How can I balance out my 7th house love curse

Post by Noel Eastwood »

Vibra, wow, nice work there on the inside, and you resolved issues, long standing issues, using your inner world. Now you know it works, now you know it also takes time and effort. But with practice, and now you know that means a lot of practice, you will get better and better. Results come faster, the down times are shorter, not as deep or as frequent... life becomes like your morning start, just damn nice. I'm proud of you.
Vibra
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Re: How can I balance out my 7th house love curse

Post by Vibra »

Thank you Noel :) I'm trying to stay on top of it. It's really hard though ... like when I'm fighting myself I get so frustrated and then I rejoice so much when I manage to figure a way out with the help of my inner guidance. But it's exhausting . I look forward to when it's less often and more second nature - practice makes perfect which means my flaky Gemini ascendant, Libra sun and Sagittarius moon ( literally all flakey with short attention spans) are going to have to stick to it

I also have to admit though the Groundhog Day is really getting to me and I wish things in my life would move along as well ... but it doesn't feel like I can control it. I asked God, Love, the Universe to unblock my situation and to release me from this continuous cycle of delay ... the day ended and the amazing news I was sure to reçeive today didn't come ... I'm not sad, il not losing hope but i do feel powerless like Job in the Bible waiting for his testimony.

But hey I'm doing the work, and i understand why I needed to do it. I'm about to be an HR executive and God knows ... the person I was before would have struggled to be the type of executive I envision for myself .. it makes sense, I just wish things would move forWard so I could start applying what I'm learning, so I could feel active again ..

i don't know if Chiron is conjunct yet but ... constitutional wounds are being triggered and I'm fighting a daily battle with myself...it's not horrid ... but yes, it's hard and tiring. I miss my old self that knew less and Was oblivious, no anxiety, a little impatient and a lot push over because she had a bit of a martyr Syndrom but ignorance definitely was bliss, Pandora's box is a huge responsibility that just never ends once you've opened it ..

Thank you for your kind words, no one around me knows the battle I'm fighting but you .. I appreciate you and your support :)
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Noel Eastwood
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Re: How can I balance out my 7th house love curse

Post by Noel Eastwood »

I just looked at your transits, you're lonely, yes I can see that, you've also come out of a tough and depressing period, yes I can see that, but... these little trials harden you up, they train you, these are life lessons to make you ready for the big ones. Not that Saturn crossing your Moon is little, that was a very difficult transit, the emotional pain of separation is hitting you now that it's shifting out of orb.

Saturn wanted you to get your emotions sorted out, seems he succeeded. You've just mentioned you were happy being ignorant, well, actually no, you weren't happy, that's what the Air signs are good at, denial. "I was happy, I'm sure I was happy, but I put on weight to disguise myself so I wouldn't be attractive ..." OK, do you see what I mean?

Now that Saturn has pulled the covers off your bed you can now see that what you were cuddling up to really wasn't a handsome guy at all it was a shell, a skin, an illusion. Now reality is hitting you've started to freak out - "I want my covers back on!"

Ah, watch out for the denial and illusions of Air.

"Thank you Saturn for showing me reality, it hurts but I can live with it, in fact, in a short time I'll be a different person, I just have to realise it." That's who your next archetype can be, Saturn, he's a cool dude. Not all that charming or cuddly, but he is absolutely necessary for Sag, Gemini, and Libra types.

Saturn also likes structure and discipline, that's the role I'm playing, Saturn's disciplinarian, giving you his reality checks. I'm also your Chiron giving you strategies to heal yourself and others.

You were born with Chiron conjunct your Ascendant like me, we get use to him eventually. Your Chiron transit isn't until March / April next year, so that's something you are in training for right now. What Chiron wants is for you to heal yourself, learn to heal so that you will become a healer... so you work in HR, then you are a healer of people.

You couldn't be a healer until you took those rose coloured glasses of denial off. You couldn't become the healer until you recognised the wounds you carry. Now you have a window of time to learn to heal yourself before Chiron hands out his exam papers in April next year. So start cramming :)

Vibra, you're doing fine, really, your dominant Air and Fire chart just likes drama, recognise that and deal with it, go for a run, go to the gym. Then get back to your meditations. Chat again soon :)
Vibra
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Re: How can I balance out my 7th house love curse

Post by Vibra »

Hello Noel,

How have you been? I have been MIA for a while still going through my motions, ups and downs. My birthday came filled with expectations ... I had a resurgence of energy and hope, I was well, more accepting, more flexible for a while... still maeditating though maybe not daily ...

But I'm still stuck, I was supposed to fly out last week but I had such amciety I manifested a situation where I had to offboard myself from a flight because my mom decided to be unreliable. I have a friend who recently passed at 37, a family me member who got extremely sick suddenly and it had me obsess about my own time on earth and the fact that I'm wasting all this time stuck in a situation where my decisions and attempts to come out just do not yield any result.

It's frustrating and I don't know what to do : I thought maybe I was supposed to stay here but despite being highly qualified it was impossible to find a job.
Then I thought I'll go back to my former place but getting on a flight and sorting out paperwork has just stalled all my attempts.
The perfect job found me but my joining date is on hold because people can't seem to agree on one simple piece of information.

I feel like there's nothing I can do .. but wait ...which deepens my anxiety and sense of wasting life. And now all of a sudden I'm afraid of flying even though flying has been my life so far ( and I never really felt like I was someone who would go that way nor so soon ... but with the recent events nothing is really certain)..

I'm a bit of a broken record I'm sorry but it's been over a year and when life conspires to keep you put there has to be something greater at hand.

What am I missing ? When is there movement in my life ? Am I supposed to avoid planes forever ? Or am I just not supppsed to leave until I go for my job in the UAE ?

I do have to say ... I manage the anxiety better, the meditations have helped tremendously but I guess I wasn't hoping to see a more significant change by now in some shape of form in my life ...

Am I missing something ?

I do
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Noel Eastwood
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Re: How can I balance out my 7th house love curse

Post by Noel Eastwood »

OK, go back and read every post of mine again, and get back to me with the theme of what I am saying.

Meanwhile I'll draw some tarot cards: Do I have to stay where I am?
Past - 2 Cups - it was fine before all this so...
Present - 3 Swords - now I'm downright miserable and feel betrayed
Future - Magician - well, what does this say? It says your stay is all about transformation my dear, you ARE stuck here for a reason, and that reason is to change, to develop some decent life strategies and get your ass back in line. You've been to wayward and MIA in life, your loose life and denial has finally caught up with you.

Wowzers, I love tarot! It gets straight to the point, so yes, things were good, you arrived for a purpose and despite feeling stuck and trapped now you are in the process of transformation.

Did you ever think what the poor caterpillar feels when it is climbing on the branch just before it transforms into the butterfly, oh so uncomfortable! Then it builds it's little cocoon and falls asleep only to wake when it's ready to start a new life. Next thing it knows no more 100 legs, no more mouth even, how can it drink beer and cocktails and each canapes now? And these funny things on its back, like huge sails, the wind makes it impossible to hold on to the tree branch any longer! Arhg! I'm going to fall and die!

But you don't, you learn to flap your wings and soar into the setting sun.

You, my dear girl, are in the process of transformation, now do your homework for me, and get back to twice daily meditations. Chat again soon.
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