Difficult family life

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turquoiseer
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Difficult family life

Post by turquoiseer »

Dear all,

We have one year old son and our family life is full of misunderstandings and fights, our expenses are getting bigger too and I do not know what to do - feels like no way out. Are there any remedies or information what should I know?

My DOB: Ivo (male), 09.august 1993, 9:47 AM, Riga, Latvia
Her DOB, Evita (female) , 08.april 1994, 11:10 AM, Cesis, Latvia
admin
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Re: Difficult family life

Post by admin »

Hi turquoiseer,

As I see it there are two major and conflicting parts to your relationship. One is that you are both very independent and as long as you were both ‘free’ to express this within your relationship, it was exciting and allowed you both to follow your own paths.

The other is that there is much volatility, which is coming out even more so now that a child has come onto the scene, which naturally limits you both in various and different ways, not helped of course by your current financial situation.

I feel that you both can work through this but it will need a lot of effort and understanding of each other’s point of view and feelings. I think you are both able to communicate your feelings and needs very well, but at times like these, that capacity falls prey to the situation, and the sheer frustration comes out in fiery eruptions and disputes making it very hard – if not impossible – to be objective.

All of this is obvious of course.

I suggest that you have a quick and penetrating mind but perhaps at times you speak and react too quickly, especially if you feel you are being ‘attacked’ or criticised unfairly. Perhaps you give in as you began to doubt yourself ? Whatever the process, the outcome is the same, i.e. you might then go away and over-analyse all that was said and stew about it thinking...”I should have said this/that”, and so on.

I think your partner might well have more difficulty expressing her feelings and thoughts in words as she has sensitive and emotional Cancer Rising, with much influence from dreamy Pisces. Yes she has the Sun in fiery impulsive and ‘direct’ Aries, but this might add to this difficulty rather than help it.

Currently you have Uranus crossing back and forth over your Moon (family/parenting/females in your life) and this is putting you on edge and increasing tension to the hilt. As it is occurring in the area of your chart that has to do with joint finances, it must be obvious where the source of these tensions lay. This also gives an extreme sense of “I want to be Free of the constant and stressful disruptions...” of your partner, your family life and financial situation. It stretches your nerves to their limit and adds to the tension between you.

Needless to say, your partner is experiencing this too, but in a different way...perhaps for her it’s more relevant to the fact that she can’t socialise with friends as much as you were both used to doing. But I think the main thing for her is that she’s feeling confused and disappointed with motherhood and all that it entails – especially with a small child. Perhaps too the fact that it’s changed the way she views herself (and the way she thinks others are now viewing her) and this is all making her unstable. Perhaps not least of all she had beautiful visions of what having a child might be but now is faced with the actual reality and so is having a great deal of difficulty dealing with the everyday necessities.

One other very powerful influence for her at this time is the transit of Pluto over her 7th House cusp (partners). This may well be making her feel that she’s no longer in control of her own life and further, that it’s you who is ‘controlling’ her life and path. Certainly this will be making her feel utterly trapped and she is probably blaming you for this (which she may be doing unconsciously). Naturally this is going to add to her explosive reactions to you, especially if she can’t articulate exactly what or why she’s reacting this way. In fact I’d suggest that even though she may give ‘reasons’, they might not be the real ones, which she herself may not be fully aware of.

She’s going through a massive change and transformation of not only herself, but also her view of what a close personal relationship really means for her. Naturally this is incredibly difficult for you to understand, not least of all because she doesn’t really understand it herself. All she’s aware of is that she feels utterly trapped and unable to see much beyond this at this point in time, especially with the financial situation as it is currently.

I think you both can get through this together as there are many many points at which you connect with each other so very positively. Quite beautiful in fact. But the question is of course...How to do this, especially as you’re both going through your own difficult issues currently.

Certainly your finances are a primary issue but first you may need to (both) find ways to deal with what is going on with your relationships, as clearly this is a major test of your relationship.

Looking at your natal charts, I suggest (and this may sound obvious or trivial) you need to find ways to do things together that give you pleasure. Simple things like just occasionally getting a baby-sitter and going off to the countryside for a walk or a picnic, or going to a movie. Yes I know how this sounds but it’s important that you are able to get away and do something for yourselves.

Or, perhaps you can take it in turns to stay home so that the other can ‘run free’ for a period of time. What outside interests does she have that you can give her time to pursue ? Anything that helps her (and you) to have those very important moments of feeling independent and at least for a short time, freedom. A child to care for can feel like an intruder or a burden if you can’t find ways to express your individual selves – and of course, it’s unlikely that you’ll blame the child - and so, who’s left to ‘blame’ ?

What was it that you used to do together before the baby arrived ? What common interests did you or do you have ? You need to have a bit of an adventure together, do something ‘different’ that gets you out of the daily grind and the financial worries. It doesn’t need to cost a heap of money to do this. Perhaps even something as simple as making a candle-lit dinner at home occasionally to bring a bit of romance back into your lives.

You are both at a point where you really need to see and appreciate each other’s differences and needs, and this may well be part of the current flare-ups too as you both start to see things about each other that you hadn’t seen or been aware of previously.

This is a very important time for you, and a test of the strength of the relationship, as well as of each of you. Relationships are surely one of the greatest means of self-discovery and, if both partners are prepared to do the hard work, incredibly satisfying and leading to much personal growth and tremendous rewards.

I do hope that at least some of this helps.

Best,
Admin.
"Don't let the illusions of your past or future rob you of the infiniteness of your present." [Unknown]
turquoiseer
Posts: 9
Joined: Tue Oct 08, 2019 12:37 am
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Re: Difficult family life

Post by turquoiseer »

Big Thank you for your time and effort!
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