Love life

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mahima_9704
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Love life

Post by mahima_9704 »

Hello!
Name- Mahima Sharma
Dob- 02/10/1997(2nd october)
Time of birth- 00:31 (A.M.)
Place of birth- New Delhi, India.

I don't actually know how to start, or how to put my query into words. Im afraid it might be a very childish query coming from a 20 year old.

There was this guy i met through the web and we dated for 4 years. Everything was good, i loved him, he loved me back. We had plans of marrying one day.. but then things started falling apart. Suddenly one day, he decided to break up. I tried to make him stay but he wasnt ready. He wanted to be just friends.. for 6 months we were having small talk..once or twice a week. Then i approached him again when he told me he loved me but didnt know what he was doing. He still wasnt ready for a relationship.. now he says he doesnt love me. He doesnt feel for me like he used to.

However i am not over him and i dont think i ever will be. I love him till death.
Not only my love life.. but my entire life in general has been such a mess.
Like everything works against me.
Could you please let me know if I and this guy will ever get back together.. if he will ever love me back again and whether we have a future of getting married or not.
mahima_9704
Posts: 53
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Re: Love life

Post by mahima_9704 »

I know the people on here must be very busy and since this is a free service ya'll are providing out of no personal gains I shouldnt be demanding. But it would be really nice of you if I could get a fast response as my mind is not at peace. Him and my love for him constitutes a very big part of my life to such an extent that it is probably affecting my day to day life. Waiting to hear from you.
Thanks!
admin
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Re: Love life

Post by admin »

Hi mahima,

You can be impulsive especially in love matters, but generally when you think/feel something you can tend to rush in without thinking things through, after which you may start over-analysing , even too much. This can naturally result in regrets, so it is a good idea to, for example, write down your initial response to someone/to him in particular, and...leave it for a day before you act on any impulse. But then, don’t over-analyse it. That’s really hard to do I know, but you have to (and can) find a balance if you really try. Marriage, or ‘union with another’ is very important to you, but you need to make sure that it isn’t an escape from ‘being alone’, which can result in focusing on anyone you fall in love with as being ‘The One’.

Also you can tend to over-idealise a partner, dreaming about what might/could be, rather than seeing the reality of the other person. This is something you need to be very aware of as it can get you into relationships that later you find are nothing like those dreams you had of the person.

Recently this impulsiveness has been emphasised and you may have found that you (and/or your prospective mate) have been or are being erratic with regard to relationship matters. On again/off again is the theme here. And during these next few months you will need to be very aware of your actions and reactions to others as this could affect your reputation or at least the way you appear to others. So be very careful because you could be setting yourself up for a disappointment.

Also you can tend to be overly giving to another and end up being taken advantage of if you’re not careful and aware, which then results in your feeling used and misused and then resentful.

The other main issue in your chart is your approach to romantic liaisons, which is very intense, and clearly obsessive. This really is something you will need to be aware of in any current or future romantic attachment as it can result in your coming across ‘too strong’ and even too needy, in which case they’ll back off. Somehow you have to try to be aware of this and pull back when you see it happening. And right now (and during the course of this year) you will really need to try to recognise this as otherwise you’ll end up pushing away the very person you want most.

Your partner does need a close relationship, but also needs a good deal of freedom. He is going to experience a major transformation – which he is already feeling – and so needs space and time to figure out what’s happening to and within himself. Right now he is very confused and your pushing him will only confuse him further. On top of this, he is feeling a very strong need for romantic/emotional freedom and independence whilst he sorts all of these feelings out.

The inter-aspects between your charts show that your communications can be misunderstood, even though underneath there is a beautiful emotional connection, understanding, and support for each other which however, ‘words’ can get in the way of.

Your Venus is conjunct his Pluto – which is the source of this obsession. It’s so hard to ‘let go’ and not to keep pushing, but you will get nowhere by doing this and in fact, you’ll drive him away. In other words, you need to find a way to be content with ‘small talk’ and re-establishing the relationship on a ‘friendship’ basis, at least for the time being or even longer if it’s necessary. In this way he won’t feel pressured and this will give the relationship a chance to establish itself on a different basis from which it can grow again. I can’t promise that it will re-blossom into a deep love, but at least it will take the pressure off and give it a chance to do so.

Meanwhile, in the Composite chart, Pluto in the area of relationships suggests that this indeed a powerful relationship and if you can both get past your own issues (in both your natal charts/yourselves, and other current unfolding influences mentioned earlier), you could have a very deep and fulfilling relationship. However, and again as mentioned before, if one of you tries to dominate the other or change them, or push them to be or do something they don’t want or can’t be or do, then the person affected will back off and disappear. I can’t stress this enough.

The Sun in the Composite Chart suggests that you both need to be able to retain your own identities as separate individuals within the relationship. In other words, and repeating a theme here, you need to allow each other to ‘be who you are’ and not try to ‘absorb’ each other; to be the same or feel exactly the same way about everything. This can be a very good position for creating and living in a home together if you can recognise this need to be separate individuals when together. Or again in other words, it’s vital that neither of you feel that you alone are ‘doing all the work’ within the relationship or to keep the relationship going.

There’s a really good aspect from the Composite Sun to Jupiter too, and this will help you to weather all of the usual storms of any long-term relationship as it suggests that you can both support, encourage and, forgive hurts caused by misunderstandings – when necessary.

In other words, there is great potential for this relationship to grow into something very beautiful...if you can refrain from pushing too hard and/or trying to change or make each other what you want them to be, rather than allowing each other to be who you are. Well, those words apply to all relationships of course, but they seem to be particularly relevant to this relationship.

I hope this helps, and if you have any further questions I’ll try to assist. However, please make sure you read this through and try to take it all in before you ask further.

Best,
Admin.
"Don't let the illusions of your past or future rob you of the infiniteness of your present." [Unknown]
mahima_9704
Posts: 53
Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2018 9:44 pm
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Re: Love life

Post by mahima_9704 »

Hi,
I would like to start off by thanking you. This being a totally voluntary service and yet you have taken so much time and energy to post a detailed analysis, it has been of great help to me.
I agree with almost all of the things that you said.
I can be obsesssive when it comes to love. I consider it to be my biggest weakness and yes sure, i give so much of myself to people that i just end up getting used, not only by love interests but also by friends in general.

I understood the point that you tried to convey to me of not pushing "him" (the guy) too hard to get back with me. Which i obviously cant as i cannot force someone to either be with me or to fall in love with me.

We have shared such beautiful moments together, its just hard to let go of. More so because i was made to believe that i fought a lot with him which drove him away. This might be true but i had my reasons. However this is not my excuse. I totally understand my fault and my immaturity at that point in the relation, now being matured i wish to correct thosw mistakes but i do not seem any hope of gettinf a swcond chance from him as he is so closed off to even the "idea" of "loving me".
I cannot understand whether it is because he got bored of me or that he doesnt find me attractive anymore or that he found someone new.

I am ready to give him all the time he needs to make up his mind, and to unlove and then re-love. But my point is that if i stay and if i hold onto him as a "friend" it will not kill the hope that i have within me that he might love me back again. What im trying to say is that i want to stay and i want him to take his time.. but everyone needs hope to do something.
Where do i find my hope?
You said you couldnt promise that this would blossom into love.. then how do i tell myself to stay and try with him as a friend in the hopes that he will love me back but he just might never love me back amd might fall for someone better who comes along when he is ready to love.
What about all my efforts then?

I am so caught between whether i should stay or leave. To be frank, its impossible for me to leave. And staying without hopes is the hardest to do too.

I also have a doubt regarding this part of your reply:


"Recently this impulsiveness has been emphasised and you may have found that you (and/or your prospective mate) have been or are being erratic with regard to relationship matters. On again/off again is the theme here. And during these next few months you will need to be very aware of your actions and reactions to others as this could affect your reputation or at least the way you appear to others. So be very careful because you could be setting yourself up for a disappointment."

Here, you say that i might be setting myswlf up for a disappointment . Does this imply that he wouldnt want me back? Is that the disappointme
mahima_9704
Posts: 53
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Re: Love life

Post by mahima_9704 »

Also what kind of transformation do you refer to? If you could please explain that a little.
His brother is going to get married this year that is the only change i know about, happening in his life.
He sure must be developing as a person within no doubt but it would be great if i could get a little insight.
In addition to my previous reply.. let me sum up the doubts i still have
1. That statement of yours i mentioned in the previous reply
2.Cant astrology predict if he will actually be the one i end up with or not? (This one is lame i know)
3.Do you suggest i should hold on and keep trying as a friend..nd wait for getting the love i deserve?
It might just happen?
admin
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Re: Love life

Post by admin »

Dear mahima,

I am going to repeat what I said before about your Venus in Scorpio and Mars/Pluto conjunction in Sagittarius in your 5th House as this is primarily what makes it so very hard for you not to become obsessed with someone once you’re strongly attracted to them. And again this Neptune in your 7th House (relationships) which results in your tendency to over-idealise a partner; and so all of these positions increase the attraction, especially if the other person pulls away as this makes them all the more attractive to you. Then with Cancer Rising, you need your partner to love and care for you deeply. And add your Sun/Moon in close conjunction in Libra which suggests that you can easily ‘fall in love with love’ - all of which describes your needs and feelings so well.

You do so need a loving partner in order to feel complete, but what I had said before stands the same. I can’t change it to suit your needs, nor unfortunately, your hopes. And in fact, the more he pulls away, the more attractive he becomes and the more determined you are to hang on. But not only will this not help, but it can get in the way of finding the ‘right one’ for yourself.
Each relationship you experience this with is a way for you to learn more about yourself so that ultimately you can find the one who is right for you. Easy words to say of course, but going through the process is a whole other matter.

Re your question about the ‘transformation’ he is going through, this transformation is at least in part, relevant to his experience of relationships. In other words, he is, I feel, finding that he’s undergoing a massive and complete shift in the way in which he views and feels about relationships in his life. But it’s a long process and will be going on for a few years. So, expecting him to ‘make up his mind’ will result in more pressure than he can deal with. At least, that’s what I suspect.

So as much as I would love to tell you what you want to hear, I’m very sorry but I really can’t do that. And I suggest again that you give him space, which means that I don’t think you should ‘hold on’ tightly, as if you do so, sooner or later you’re going to get exactly the opposite to what you want. And this is what I meant when I said that you might be ‘setting yourself up for disappointment’.

I really do understand how hard it is for you to let go, but strangely enough, it happens often that when we do really let go, it allows things to shift and change. However, this has to come from within yourself of course. Clearly you understand yourself well which is a obviously a great plus. Understanding is half the battle; the other half of the battle is actually living it of course.

I don’t want to crush your hopes, especially as you are feeling the need for love so strongly at this time. And I know you’re stuck right now and that little I say will ease your obsession. But again, it’s that very obsession that stands in the way. I don’t know what the outcome will be with him in the long-term. All I can say is that this is a very important experience for you. In fact, looking at your Solar Return for this year, the matter of learning to be more objective about your needs and feelings is emphasised, as is learning to contain your emotional impulses. Your Progressed Chart suggests the same thing: make new friends, go out and about and be more social...and be a friend in your relationship – if you feel you can do that.

You have a great and wonderful capacity for love within you and I don’t doubt that one day you will find ‘the one who is right for you’ and create and have a beautiful family – it’s all there in your chart. But first you have to find a way to deal with that Mars/Pluto energy, and that won’t happen all at once. It surely is a really hard lesson to learn, not least of all because you sense that you need a relationship to be fulfilled. I don’t know if he is ‘the one’, but as I said before, I do have doubts, if only because of what he is and will be going through during these next few years, and because you can’t let go enough to allow him to do this...or, can you ?

I think the most important thing to do right now is to find ways to deal with that obsessiveness.

Perhaps if you read Noel Eastwood’s book ‘Trance Experiences with the Archetypes’ this might well help you to get a greater understanding and grasp of those difficulties. In this book he talks about ways to get in touch with those energies within that are difficult to handle. If you subscribe to his site, you’ll find it there: http://www.plutoscave.com/freebies

Do give it a try. After all, what do you have to lose by doing so ?

Best to you,
Admin.
"Don't let the illusions of your past or future rob you of the infiniteness of your present." [Unknown]
mahima_9704
Posts: 53
Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2018 9:44 pm
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Re: Love life

Post by mahima_9704 »

If anything.. "anything" is there in my hands to make this work in the future, I'd do it by hook or crook. If it means distancing myself or letting go of the obsessiveness just so he can find his way back to me, im willing to do it.
Im willing to make it work with this man, not because he is drawing away from me and i want him more because of that, but only because i have seen what we once had was real and my mistakes led to all of this blunder.
I have never been sure about anything in my life, but him.. he was the only thing i have ever been sure of.
I feel it within that we are meant to be.
I have wandered off to places, to people, tried to give myself to the wrong ones in the hope of forgetting him, only in the end to realise that no other feels like home as much as he does.
He is my home, he is my happy place, he is my support system, hes my best friend and hes very annoying at times too.
I would want to punch him in the face and kiss his face altogether.
I might be obsessed with love, but this obsession feels like it makes sense.
If he hadnt been here, i wouldnt have made through so many difficult situations in my life. Even just by the words he says he gives me strength to carry on and keep living.

If this can develop into something and if my obsessiveness and pushy attitude is what stands as an obstacle in between, I'll do everything and anything to get rid of it.
I don't want him
I need him.

Thank you so much for your advice.
I wish that one day in future i can look back to this place and inform you about me starting my future with him.
I really wish it happens.

I'll try to develop myself as an individual first, while being a friend to him. I'll try to love myself first, before pouring all of my love into someone else.
We both need to discover ourselves individually before we can discover ourseleves together as a couple..right?

Thanks a lot again!
I'll bother you if anything else develops 😂 I hope you'll be here to guide me again
I cant thank you enough.
Regards.
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