Should I let this go, or see what happens?

Note that synastry requires two charts to be set up and analysed so, before asking, please make sure that this is a serious relationship. This is a free board and our time to respond is limited.
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peanutlog
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Should I let this go, or see what happens?

Post by peanutlog »

He's a friend now, but there are indications he might have stronger feelings. I'm not sure if I do, though. One moment, I feel something, and the next, nope. I don't know what to think, so hoping this can help. Would it be a good idea to pursue anything outside of friendship, or not?

Birth details:

Me - December 29, 1982, 6:30am, St. Louis, Missouri, USA
Him - January 30, 1974, 4:28pm, Detroit, Michigan, USA
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Re: Should I let this go, or see what happens?

Post by admin »

Hi peanutlog,

Currently you are experiencing a very powerful influence with regard to relationships and so you are likely to experience much intensity with whomever you get involved with during this period. This influence has been going on for around a year, perhaps longer, but it is full on at this time.

As he is experiencing something similar - though in a much more difficult way (which may be hard for you to imagine) – I suspect that this is why he’s blowing hot and cold too. But you know, he may be getting signals from you that you’re not aware of, as transiting Saturn is in conjunction with your Sun and so your confidence isn’t at its highest point anyway. This might be making you appear quite cool yourself as it does tend to make one very cautious and even a bit stand-offish, even if unintentionally.

It will take a while for me to go through the whole synastry matter and so in order to go further with this, would you tell me when the relationship started, and how did you meet ? Is he or has he been married previously, or has he been in a relationship that has recently ended ? Any other details would be very much appreciated and will help me get a clearer picture.

Thank you.

Best,
Admin.
"Don't let the illusions of your past or future rob you of the infiniteness of your present." [Unknown]
peanutlog
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Re: Should I let this go, or see what happens?

Post by peanutlog »

First, thank you.

We met October, 2016 at work. He was new, and I was meeting the new trainiees to go over quality scoring and answer questions. I actually thought he was kind of a dork, and a "tries too hard" type, but after a while, he kind of grew on me. I ended up championing him (though, to be honest, he deserves any praise he gets - he's quick, upbeat, and has an amazing work ethic). He's since been promoted, so we don't work in the same department anymore.

A couple of co-worker friends (pretty much the only friends I have, ha) started going out for bar trivia in September last year, so I ended up inviting him, too, because he's got a lot of random knowledge, and despite his peppy work exterior, is kind of odd, seemed lonely (both are accurate, but he would say he's not lonely because he has a dog - mhm) Before then, we were just friendly at work, and I didn't think of him as anything else. Probably wouldn't have considered hanging out with him if it weren't for the random knowledge.

As far as relationships go, he has never been married, and I don't know when he last had a date even, let alone any relationship. Not since I've known him, at least. He was engaged once, many years ago. I would say the same for myself, identical in this respect. I am extremely cautious when it comes to feelings, and I am only expressive if I am completely comfortable.- attraction/romantic feelings are almost foreign to me. He is not very demonstrative in his more serious feelings either. I feel like it's two repressed people who stink at this sort of thing, are awkward as anything, and can't break the wall. Still, some days, I wonder what the hell I'm doing thinking of him in any light beyond friends.

If you need anything else, please let me know, and again, thanks!

(Oh, while I realize work! "relationships" are frowned upon by the masses apparently, our company is pretty lax - as long as it isn't a superior/subordinate role, or toxic to productivity, they don't care - throwing that out there because people focus too much on that)
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Re: Should I let this go, or see what happens?

Post by admin »

Hi peanutlog,

You are going through a period when your way of relating is undergoing a major transformation, and during this time you will meet those who are a part of this change, so at the very least your relationship with him has the potential to change you quite radically in some way and so it is an important part of your life at this time.

Currently too with transiting Saturn passing over your Sun, your confidence isn’t at a great high, not least of all in the area of committing yourself to a deep and close relationship. So in one way, your intuition is right with regard to your doubts – but on the other hand, it’s important that you don’t make decisions based on too much self-doubt.

I think that you are rather driven in your career (rather?) but in fact this is also the beginning of a period when you might be beginning to feel a bit trapped or stymied in that area and sensing a need for change, which could just be within your work structure or it might eventually be more radical.

All of this is going on as a part of this relationship.

He too is experiencing a shift and change in his attitude to and experience of relationship matters, but it’s a long-term matter for him and less obvious at this time. Nonetheless, he may be afraid of commitment at this time. In other words, he’s confused and unsure of what this relationship might mean as perhaps he senses that it will mean exposing parts of himself that he’s not ready to bare.

Added to this, Uranus (ruling his Aquarius Sun) is coming up close to his earthy, practical Taurus Moon, and I think this is at least a part of this on/off static that you’re getting from him as he feels a change coming, but doesn’t know how to deal with it. Not least of all, at some level, he’s not ready for full emotional commitment – at least at this time.

The inter-aspects between your charts suggest that you have a very beautiful sensitivity to each other – at an unspoken level; a kind of knowing or tuning in to each others’ feelings. This can be interfered with however, as your Mars’s – your individual drives - and the way you express them – are in ‘fixed Signs, so you can rub each other up the wrong way at times, which can lead to irritation or even anger. I suspect that if you challenge him, he’ll just become silent and stubborn; and if it’s vice versa, then you’ll step back and become quite cool, or even cold, and similarly immovable.

There is the possibility here too that either or both of you need to feel ‘in control’ and if egos are involved, then there will be a struggle as neither of you care to be or feel overpowered by or subservient to the other.

As far as ‘love’ is concerned, there may be times when you feel he doesn’t respond to your needs in that area, especially at this time. To repeat, there’s a lot of power here and I think that you sense this and are naturally feeling a bit iffy about it all. Added to this, there’s a link between you that neither of you understand entirely. This might be relevant to the fact that you share so much in your pasts, which both of you sense, and this creates a ‘need to know’ what this is all about. It’s like you’re drawn to each other on one level, whilst fighting against this on another level.

I think that IF you could talk to each other about this, a much deeper understanding would evolve. But this may be difficult – not least of all for you at this time as it’s possible that you are very drawn to him in a way you can’t figure out and which you are similarly fearful about.

In the Composite chart, the area of work is emphasised, and in that area your relationship can work very well – again as long as one of you doesn’t try to be the ‘superior’ one, or to ‘better’ the other in any way.

I think that both of you have much to learn from this relationship – which can surely change both of you quite radically, if you can face it and allow it do so. Whether you can work this out together, I don’t know for sure as there is the possibility that you can talk to each other and communicate well.

However, I think that there’s a lot of fear here, not least of all about trusting that neither of you will betray the other’s deeper feelings or use that knowledge/understanding as means of control.

There’s something unfinished here – maybe from a ‘previous life’ (if you accept the possibility of such) – or it may be that it will help you both to discover the ways in which the various difficult experiences of your childhoods have affected your choices and actions in life up to this point, so that you can see how those experiences have ruled you so far. In this way, the relationship will change you both. Whether you both have the courage and determination to make it work though, I don’t and can’t know. Though I suspect you already know this.

Hope this helps, and please do ask if you have any further questions; or if you have any comments on this, please do tell.

Best,
Admin.
"Don't let the illusions of your past or future rob you of the infiniteness of your present." [Unknown]
peanutlog
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Re: Should I let this go, or see what happens?

Post by peanutlog »

That's all very heavy. I thank you for taking the time to look at everything. Since you mentioned the transition periods (my Saturn, his whatever), when will they be less burdensome, if ever? Would there be any optimal time to get closer, or should I just keep things the way they are indefinitely?

The work thing is right. I was ambitious, but after being tossed around like garbage, I basically just show up now. It's not fun, but I've been there so long, leaving is a change I'm not willing to deal with right now (benefits, etc.). He actually just got a taste of the dark side of our company recently, too. He snapped/got really defensive towards me when I asked if he was ok (never seen that before) - keep in mind, I didn't know what had happened, he just looked sad. Rather shocking, as he doesn't do that to anyone else. I don't know anymore.
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Re: Should I let this go, or see what happens?

Post by admin »

I am sorry if it came across as heavy to you, and perhaps I should have taken into account more this current Saturn transit on your Sun and South Node (past) which did tell me that you’re not in the brightest state at this time, but I thought nonetheless that you could handle it. My mistake.

On the other hand, if I just told you only the positives, I would feel it was remiss of me not to make you aware of the potentially more difficult areas. But perhaps I over-emphasised those matters too much, for which I do apologise.

Of course the current situation will change, but you both need time to go through your own individual issues. I’m sure you can see how much of what I had said about current matters for both of you is playing out, even by the fact of his experience in your company recently, and his response to you when you simply asked if he was ok.

I can’t tell you exactly when this will change as it depends entirely on how both of you deal with these current difficulties and personal changes you are both experiencing. The main culprit (Saturn) will turn direct in early Sept, by which time you at least will have worked through the hardest part of this need to expect too much of yourself and of taking to heart any feelings of rejection by others. You are perhaps creating a shell to defend yourself which it’s hard for others to penetrate. Are you aware of this ?

It might be a good idea to think about the last time Saturn conjoined your Sun - a very long time ago and in fact you were only 6 so you might not remember much about that time, but perhaps there was some issue with or about your father or mother ? Perhaps you were rejected or ignored. Whatever it was, this is now having an effect – believe it or not – on your actions and reactions, albeit unconsciously. But it is worth thinking about as it may help you to see how this is affecting you in some way, at this time.

But the beauty of this is that ultimately it can release you from whatever pain it is you are feeling as a result of that early period in your life. And so, in fact, you may begin to come out of this well before Sept. when Jupiter (planet of expansion and growth) turns direct (11th July) in your area of ‘goals’ – whatever it is you want and aim for. I think too that when the Sun enters his Ascendant/1st House (7th July) that will give him a boost as when the Sun is travelling through the ‘dark unconscious’ area of the previous 12th House, we tend to feel more vulnerable, sensitive and closet our feelings away behind a veil in order to avoid hurt.

I do think that it’s going to be up to you to take the lead in this relationship though... not forcefully. I suggest that re the instance you had described here where he reacted to your sympathetic caring question with irritation and defensiveness, he did so because you are important to him and he didn’t want to expose what he may have felt was a failure at work. Maybe whatever it was that had occurred made him feel that it would make him look like a failure in some way in your eyes, especially as you have in a way, mentored him. And given that this relationship is in its early days, no doubt he would want to impress you in some way.

Naturally too, this reaction hurt you, especially as you were feeling the sadness around him and wanting to comfort him. And that’s this current Saturn I mentioned here, taking this as a harsh rejection. But I’m sure you’ll rebound and manage to see that it was only a momentary matter, rather than an absolute.

But still of course, you’re waiting for me to tell you ‘when’. So – in frustration of too many astrological slow-mo indications, I drew a Tarot card.

This card (the 8 of Wands) is fiery and takes action; doesn’t sit and wait for things to happen, but makes a plan and then acts on it. It suggests the need to find a new approach, to take the initiative. (Perhaps the initiative will come from him, but if it doesn’t, then as I said, it will be up to you). And I think that the Jupiter matter I mentioned earlier has much to do with this ‘8 of Wands’ card as Jupiter is your Ruling Planet, in Jupiter’s own Sign of Sagittarius and conjunct your Uranus – the planet of inspiration and of rapid change.

I do hope that this (well most of this) gives you a more positive view. :roll:

Admin.
"Don't let the illusions of your past or future rob you of the infiniteness of your present." [Unknown]
peanutlog
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Re: Should I let this go, or see what happens?

Post by peanutlog »

Thanks again. I don't mind the heaviness, I just wasn't expecting it? Of course, I should expect it because it seems that's a pattern in my life, lol. Always go the long way around, only to end up just a tad further than where I started. As far as the shell goes, I am certainly aware. It's for my own protection. Takes me time to open up, so I'm sure, especially to friends, that first impressions are usually wrong when it comes to me, but see below about the "emotional dump". Strange.

I talked to him yesterday as if nothing happened. Figured he'll apologize at some point when he realizes what he's done. He's apologized for way less in the past. I know he just needs time and space to sort things out. I've dealt with our company crushing dreams for years. This is his first real taste of that (of course, I warned him, and he saw it happen to a handful of us, but as it goes, you don't really know until it happens to you). I'll just be around, as I am, and one day, I may say something.

In the same vein, other than benefits, the only reason I have stayed with this company is the people. I'm like a human emotional dump. They just come to me, and I'm not sure why. This happens outside of work, too, and has been this way since I can remember. On one hand, it makes me feel valued, but on the other, it can be very taxing/distracting to my own mental state, as you can probably see. Why is this?
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Re: Should I let this go, or see what happens?

Post by admin »

Well, there’s that Neptune I spoke of when I was questioning your time of birth. It’s conjunct your Ascendant and in your 12th House, and this alone makes it very hard for you to set boundaries. You’re extremely sensitive to the moods and feelings of others and soak them up like a sponge so that it can be hard for you to distinguish between what others are feeling and what you are feeling.

This also makes you very compassionate and others are naturally drawn to this, and as your Neptune is opposite your Moon (caring and nurturing) in the 6th House of work, this results in others seeing you as a kind of mother figure, especially in your work environment – though not just in that area. And then, the Moon in Gemini results in your trying to work on everyone’s problems to help them sort them out. (Gemini on the 6th House is relevant to the nervous system and mental health by the way, and the Moon there can result in over-imagination about all sorts of possible ailments).

So, back to your last question, it’s a matter of creating boundaries, and in fact all of those planets in Capricorn (ruled by Saturn – that planet I keep harping on about and which is so important in your life at this time) is trying to help you establish at least some boundaries, despite your Neptune in free-ranging Sagittarius.

Imagine for example, a dolphin swimming free in the open ocean, playing, diving and leaping around and then, it’s caught and put into a concrete pool (‘concrete’ is ruled by Saturn as it happens), and it’s trained to do what it does naturally but in a confined space and on command. Well, that’s a bit like how Saturn, and your Capricorn planets might feel to you in some way, and especially at this time.

But without all of those Capricorn structures and limitations, well, you’d probably be a party-animal :shock: , or at least resort to escape via drugs and such, rather than the hard-working soul that you are, giving to and caring for others so much.

I think you’d be lost without others to care for and to nurture. However, they can also take advantage of this, so knowing when to stop, to let go of each one and ‘push them out of the nest’, is inevitably important, not least of all for your own state of health.

It’s natural to feel valued by having so many come to you of course, but somehow you have to draw the line, somewhere, not least of all because this need to lose yourself in the needs of others can be a kind of ‘escape’ too. And in some way, you’re learning about this at this time.

Admin.
"Don't let the illusions of your past or future rob you of the infiniteness of your present." [Unknown]
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