Help improve my marriage

[Butterflies]

We been together for 5 years and married 7 months and things are starting get rocky help
Husband 05/12/91 city :durban ,southafrica 18:00pm
Wife 07/06/91 city : Emmeloord ,Netherlands 16:20pm

[admin]

Hello Butterflies,

There is a bit of a wait-list for synastry assistance as they're quite complicated and need a fair bit of work, so please be a bit patient.

I'll get to your query as soon as I possibly can.

By the way, due to the fact that various people write differently, day/month or month/day, would you please verify which way around you have done this. i.e. is 5/12 the 5th December, or 12th May ?

Best,
Admin.

[Coco1979]

Butterflies.

Admin vraagt je of je de geboortedatum beter wilt omschrijven is, is het 7 juni? Zet het er zo maar neer Want buiten nederland draaien ze de maand en dag om.

Succes

coco

[Butterflies]

this is our chart please help

[Butterflies]

our chart information please read

[admin]

Hello Butterflies,

Thank you for posting your charts.

Would you please give a bit of information about this relationship ? For example, how long has your relationship been going on for ? What are the circumstances surrounding your relationship ? And are there any specific questions or problems in your relationship ?

Every little bit of extra information helps me to focus on various areas that may be problematical.

Thank you.

Admin.

[Butterflies]

we've been together 5 years and 7 months and am starting to question our relationship i dont know if its just my paranoia or insecurity
i dont really know if he loves me or his with me cause its convenient since his been going through his trail and tribulation with his status
i do want to trust him but am just not sure and because of these thoughts we argue allot its just mixed emotions i just want to be sure
his very close with his mother who is not very fond of me we have two different culture am not sure anymore i know its been along time but still am i blocking me blessing

please help

[admin]

Hi Butterflies,

Both of you are going through some major changes currently, and I think that your words ‘he’s been going though his trials and tribulations with his status’ is the root cause of all that is going on with regard to your relationship. Transiting Neptune in conjunction with his Midheaven (status in the community or in the world at large and also career/vocation matters) is surrounded by doubt and confusion and causing him to question his role in life and in all that he is doing. This is doubly so as Neptune is in square to his Sun – his very sense of identity and ‘Self’, which is in his area of ‘relationships’. The Sun in the 7th – especially in Sagittarius - sees/wants his partner to be free and independent, and if you are appearing too needy during this time, he might be even more evasive. Inevitably your relationship is suffering as a result of this as it’s difficult for him to understand, let alone articulate or express, all that he’s feeling and going through.

In your own chart, transiting Pluto is in conjunction with your North Node which is changing and transforming your own life direction... your path into the future. Difficult as this transformation is, it will push you to shed old ways of being and doing, as well as changing your ideas about the people with whom you associate, and also the ways in which you communicate with others. This is a radical shift, and not an easy one, but ultimately it will eradicate old worn-out ideas that no longer serve your evolution and progress in life.

As transiting Saturn is in this same area, you may currently be feeling quite unsure of yourself and may also be experiencing periods of depression and a lack of confidence in your thinking and communication. Saturn here however, can in fact help you to be more realistic and also help you to concentrate and structure your thoughts so that you speak only when you are sure. When you go through these periods of doubt, it’s important to realise that you are prone during this time, to see the worst, and to realise that this is temporary and a result of things not proceeding in the way that you wish. The fact that transiting Jupiter is retrograding back over your Ascendant and in square to this Saturn is emphasising the relationship matter from your point of view. In other words, your expectations aren’t in tune with the reality of it all.

Added to this, transiting Venus is retrograde too, and this is a period for everyone when relationships can seem to be on hold. Basically it’s a time when we go over and over any particular relationship, questioning, remembering times that were (often again not as they truly were), and wanting them to return to ‘the way they were’.

Looking at the inter-aspects between your charts, there is an element of competitiveness as your Sun’s are in opposition. In one way this can push you both to be more ‘who you are’, more individual. But in another way, it can result in a clash of wills. So, as your Sun is also in square to the axis in his chart that is relevant to his home/family, and to his career/place in the world, you may push him too hard, especially at this time when he is going through this confusion and doubt. Your words about not getting on with his mother, and the cultural differences are relevant to all of this. If you can refrain from getting into situations with his mother, and if you both can rise above the cultural differences, then you can get through this. But you will have to work on this, as no doubt you have had to do all along.

Also in your charts, there are strong Saturn connections, which can work to hold the relationship together, as indeed it has for this past almost 6 years. However, some of these Saturn connections need constant work. For example, your Venus/Mars opposite to both of your Saturn’s. This is particularly difficult for you as it emphasises hardships you have experienced during the course of your life, such as a lack of warmth in your early home life; or being put down whenever you expressed yourself out there in the world. You are very warm and loving, if somewhat impulsive in expressing this at times. This would have lead to a fear of being open and free, or at least when you do express it, there may be some deep internal nagging that you shouldn’t, or there may be some guilt when you do.

Your partner’s Saturn opposite your Venus/Mars, on the one hand may do the same, so that when you are impulsive emotionally, he may react in a bit of a ‘wet blanket’ way/may seem to be cool and unfeeling. This can be frustrating for you, but if you recognise this pattern, instead of reacting in a hurt or angry way – which will only make his response grow colder – you should instead step back and try to see why he is treating you this way. Basically, you’re actions trigger this response in him; they ‘press his buttons’, so that he is not even really aware of why he is reacting so. But as I said, this can all be understood and worked out as there are many aspects that help you both to do this, as long as you are BOTH aware of what’s going on.

In the Composite chart, there are some wonderful indications. Together you are able to grow and to go through any radical changes, not only successfully, but with the possibility of you both weathering any individual or relationship difficulties, ultimately making the relationship so much stronger. These current issues are changing you both, quite radically, and it’s important that you find a way to communicate your feelings to each other. This won’t be easy, as in the Composite chart, transiting Neptune is in conjunction with your Composite Mercury. On the one hand this can result in difficulties in understanding each other as there may be much misunderstanding and confusion when you try to do so. On the other hand, it can give you ‘communication without words’; an intuitive understanding of what each other is thinking.

I think the main issue during this period is right there in your words: “...i do want to trust him but am just not sure and because of these thoughts we argue allot its just mixed emotions i just want to be sure “ because you can’t ‘be sure’ right now, not least of all because he is so unsure of himself. And the last thing you should do is argue with him, because that will only increase his own state of confusion. Obviously this is hard for you because of the frustration and also the fear with ‘not knowing’ what’s going on within him. But, with this awareness you can perhaps at least better understand what’s going on, and how to approach and deal with each situation, and with his and your reactions, as they arise.

I realise that this may not seem fair as it puts it all on you. But, you’re the one who’s asked, and so it is up to you...at least up to a point.

I know that you are now wondering when will things change, and what will be the outcome. In truth, this journey is not a short one, so you will need to be prepared to work hard on these matters for many months. HOWEVER, the way in which this all unfolds will depend on many and various changes that will also be occurring for both of you during these next few months. None of this will stay exactly the same, and not least of all because you are experiencing your own powerful internal changes which will have the greatest impact of all on this matter. Instead of seeing your life through him, or seeing yourself as you think you are, you’ll see your Self as it really is, and you’ll take control of your own life and future. This whole matter is about your taking control of your Life Path, even though at first it will mean losing control completely. But this is necessary because only in this way will you then be able to walk your own path.

This doesn’t mean that you won’t continue on together as certainly there is the capacity for you to help each other grow and change, and for the relationship to regenerate and grow stronger. But this will depend upon more than what astrology can tell. I’ve seen the best and ‘easiest’ relationships falter and fail'; and what would be called the worst and most difficult, grow into the most beautiful, long-lasting and happy unions.

But, any lasting and ultimately happy relationship requires much work...by both people, of course.

I do hope that this has helped, and if you have any further questions, please do ask and I'll do my best to assist.

Best,
Admin.