New insight on intense, confusing relationship, please help.

[Ninsk]

Hello there!
I'll start off by telling you that my english isn't so fine and may be a bit weird.
PLease bare with me.

I have been reading about astrology for years, and I have a big interest, but of course I yet have lots to learn, I would still consider myself as quite a newbie.
I've been meaning to post something here for quite some time but never thought that anyone would be interested enough to read it and answer.
But now it's gone too far and I really need help with this..
First I was planning to write a bit about myself, my life, how I met this person, his life and about the time we've known each other, but I now find it a bit less relevant.
I mean, ask if there's any questions, I'll gladly answer.

I've been looking through our charts many times, trying to understand things..
And I kind of think I do, but things change, new thoughts pop up and things happen that makes you wonder and question your own judgement.
Sometimes all you really need is someone else's point of view.

I kind of know why I'm still hanging on to this guy, simply because I really do love him. He makes me laugh so hard, he can be the coziest man on earth, his mind is totally fascinating in many ways and the attraction I feel for him is undescribable.
There is so much more I like about him, and many things that I do not like about him.. I'm aware of these things, but I often wonder what it is he sees in me.
I mean really.. I know he thinks I'm sweet, that I'm loyal, clever.. but is that all? This sounds pretty weird but sometimes I wonder if he really does see the real me.
I'm having a really hard time figuring him out. Even though we've known each other for almost ten years.
We have had a really intense on and off relationship since then. Sometimes we haven't spoken to each other for months, almost years.
There are so many questions, why, what, how, if..
And simply, this thing with him is slowly driving me crazy.
Sometimes I think I know him better than anyone, and sometimes it's like I don't know him at all. But yet I can't get enough of him, when I'm near him it litteraly feels like I want to devour him, and even though he's never said the words, it feels like he can't handle it.
But still, he can be very physical too, sometimes it kinda chocks me, and then the next day it's blown away.
For periods of time it feels like he's my soulmate, like we are meant to be, finding our way back to each other, talking for hours about our deepest darkest thoughts, feeling at home just being near one another.
And then suddenly it's like he's gone, both mentally/physicaly, like we've got nothing in common, the understanding is just lost, argues, disputes, and it feels like we're from different planets and like we burn eachother when we touch. I mean, we've both gone through a lot, been through changes, we have totally seperate lifes in different countries.
We've broken up so many times that I simply can't remember how many..
But we have always found the way back.. like magnets, puzzlepieces, or whatever.. even though we do not fit somehow.
Now I'm writing a lot more than I was supposed to do, sorry, I hope it's readable.
It's a big messy storm in my head right now and I was just hoping that some kind soul out there has the time and interest to read this and look at our charts. Just share some thoughts on our connection and what you can see in our charts.
I would really, appreciate it with all of my heart.

I don't really know how this works but I've seen people uploading charts and giving birth dates/times, So I guess I'll do both.
Me 4 th November 21.08 1993
Him 12 September 00.53 1992

//Ninsk

[admin]

Hi Ninsk and welcome.

Thank you very much for all of those details which will surely help. And thanks too for posting the chart.

I'll get back to you as soon as I can but you'll need to give me a day or two to look at this properly and in depth, so please be a bit patient - if you can. Relationship matters require a good deal of work...and time, so if I haven't responded in a couple of days, then give me a nudge via 'pm', or here.

Best,
Admin.

[admin]

Hi Ninsk, and thank you for being so patient.

No wonder it’s a ‘messy storm’ in your head...there’s so much going on here ! The first thing I noted is that you both have Pluto in Scorpio in your 5th Houses which, in itself describes a very powerful and intense relationship (the 5th being, amongst many other things, ‘love affairs’. Add your Mars to this Plutonic energy, and certainly fireworks ensue, and exactly as you describe. This kind of energy is hard to hold in check and can even be quite violent, especially in volcanic Scorpio. Note that ‘violence’ doesn’t necessarily mean physical violence at all, but just that there is a strong urge to try to change each other, or even to control each other. Certainly it’s very obsessive, not least of all because it involves your N. Node conjunct his Vertex, with suggests a ‘fated/destined’ relationship.

Your words about wanting to ‘devour’ him aptly describe this connection, partly at least because your Moon is trine his Pluto and trine his own Moon. The Uranus connections describe the ‘on/off’ matter, which your Uranus close to his 7th House cusp describes, and which is about being attracted by your differences but in an erratic way. He knows/senses that this relationship is too strong and can feel overpowered or overwhelmed by it at times, so then he backs off and becomes ‘cool’. His Saturn in Aquarius in the 8th is afraid of letting go completely so steps back when he senses it is too strong for him. Your own Saturn is also in Aq. in your 8th and in sq. to both your own and his Pluto. This is surely a very difficult energy to handle as it can mean that you are both seeing the relationship from quite different viewpoints. And again, when the Plutonic energies reach a peak, he can’t handle it and so...escapes, leaving you feeling ‘Why?...it was going so well...’ I think too that he feels you are expecting too much at times, so this then results in his backing off. His Saturn is also in square to your Sun, which adds to this on/off coolness. It might be that your warmth is at times too much for him, too ‘enveloping’ (Scorpio) and even too demanding in wanting and needing him to respond with the same depth of feeling.

Your Moon is in sextile with his Sun/Mercury, and in trine with his Moon, which gives those periods of intimacy as you can both sense harmony and empathy between you, and this contributes to those times when you can relax in each other’s company. This goes a long way towards easing all of that intensity. However, even with this and many other easeful aspects between your charts, that Plutonic part inevitably surfaces eventually. If you could get him to talk about these deep rumblings and feelings, that would go a long way to easing the tensions. But, given that these matters are very difficult to articulate, this would require a lot of hard work to communicate about them.

Your own Moon is opposite both your and his Neptune/Uranus conjunction. In fact, the Uranus part of this gives the uniqueness of your relationship and also the ‘craziness’ and hilarity that occurs when you are together, because Uranus is so often able to see the ‘ridiculous’ in the ordinary things of life. The Neptune side of this adds a sense of the romantic; a feeling that together you are in your own world because you are able to share so much that touches your very souls. His Moon in Pisces responds to and ‘falls into’ this fantasy with you, but you know that the Moon in Pisces can be everything to everyone, and is hard to pin down, especially in his case where his Moon is in sextile to his Neptune/Uranus. So even though you too have Moon in ‘water’/Cancer, your emotional needs are more specific, despite the fact that your Moon is in Pisces ‘natural’ house, the 12th. Nonetheless, this does give you an even greater understanding and link with him as at some level, you connect with him fully and understand this part of him perfectly. But you want to go deeper, and it’s at this point that he retreats, and his Moon flies off elsewhere.

He is Virgo, with Sun conjunct Mercury (and Jupiter), and with his Moon in opposition to this need to analyse everything, he confuses himself, and tips back and forth between dreaminess and realism. (Perhaps this is easier for him to balance in his work or his work environment ?). With Neptune close to a conjunction with his Desc./relationship cusp, he wants to keep his partner on a pedestal for the most part, while at the same time expecting her to be sensible and rational, and also give him his freedom when he feels the need. As your own Neptune/Uranus conjunction sits here in his chart, you are reflecting his own needs back to him. This area is quite difficult to define as you both may flip from the dreamy ideal image of who you think each other is, to the cooler, erratic need that both of you have, to re-establish your individuality and freedom.

It does seem that indeed you have had a connection ‘before’. I get the ‘feeling’ that there was a power-play going on that perhaps resulted in much pain and hurt. In a way this may in part be relevant to your experience together in this life, and that this is what needs to undergo a major metamorphosis, both individually and together, ‘this time around’.

His Mars in conjunction with his S. Node (past) can result in a constant returning to his habitual way of dealing with life by moving very quickly mentally and escaping more serious matters with quick clever and often humorous retorts. This makes him feel ‘safe’ when things get too overwhelming for him. As it is in quincunx aspect to your own Mars/Pluto in Scorpio, this can require a constant need to adjust to his flippancy, especially about those deep Scorpio matters that you wish to dig and delve into. It’s actually a very creative aspect, IF you are both aware of what’s going on here. This Mars/S.Node of his is also trine your Venus/Jupiter in Libra, which can smooth things over, especially as he also has Venus in Libra and Libra is the ‘peacemaker’. The danger here though is if the relationship stays at this lighter Venusian level as this really isn’t enough to smooth over those deeper Pluto matters in the long run. Nonetheless, they go a long way toward easing those deeper more difficult areas.

His Venus is in square to your Moon in Cancer, and as I mentioned before, your Moon needs closeness and needs to feel protected and nurtured, and Venus in square doesn’t really want to be pulled into that need. However, with his Moon in trine to your own Moon as mentioned earlier, he can meet your needs, even if not always quite in the specific way you require.

The composite chart emphasises the Moon as the sign of Cancer is rising, and in this chart the Moon in earthy and stable Taurus can bring endurance and stability to the relationship overall. This Moon in fact is in trine to your similar Neptune/Uranus conjunctions and will help to smooth over your individual experiences of that Nep/Ur. (as described earlier) and it seems that this occurs via a strong sense of friendship between you.

Also in that composite, Jupiter, Sun, Mercury and Venus all in Libra and in the 4th House (the basis of the relationship), and of themselves suggest a beautiful harmony at its roots, the danger here being the possibility of avoidance of any difficulties because of the desire for harmony and peace. These 4 bodies are in fact in square to that Neptune/Uranus conjunction, so that yearned-for harmony will be upset/challenged by all of those matters mentioned before (dreamy ideals and need for freedom). But actually this is necessary in order for the relationship to move forward, otherwise it would just stagnate. There is much generosity of spirit between you, and a prodigious capacity for growth (Jupiter).

Mars in Virgo in the 3rd house of the composite suggests a lot of healthy discussions - though sometimes arguments, and perhaps also a tendency to ‘nit-pick’, which needs to be avoided in order not to devolve into the petty.

The Pisces Midheaven shows that the relationship is rather nebulous and hard to pin down, but with comp. Pluto in the 5th in trine, there is a strong possibility of a constant re-defining and transformation of the relationship. However, this depends on whether you are both able and prepared to allow this to occur.

Saturn in Aquarius in the 8th (which you both have natally and which amplifies the same fears in you both), gives a feeling of insecurity, of not being able to truly trust in each other, and it can show that there is a resistance to a deeper transformation as there is a fear of ‘letting go’ to each other, of trusting that if you give your all to each other, you will be let down. The key here is for you both to try to relax and ‘let things happen as they will, and should’. Not easy to do of course, but so much depends on that as otherwise you will both be stuck in the same type of interactions.

Currently, transiting Pluto is coming to the conjunction with composite Uranus/Neptune in square to comp. Sun/Mercury, which is bringing this all to a head. Both of you (again) will have to work very hard to understand what is going on both individually and within the relationship. This transiting Pluto is in trine to the comp. Moon, so over this next year, this may be possible to achieve but as you are and will be going through your own transformation issues during this time, how this functions will depend very much on how you both deal individually with your own issues.

Transiting Saturn is currently in conjunction with your comp. Vertex and N. Node, which can lead you both forward to an understanding of your union, and it can cement the relationship, or at least show you both the way forward as it highlights your ‘reason’ for being together.

For you, transiting Uranus is and has been, and will be for some months, in opposition to your natal Venus. This is making you very restless, especially about this relationship of course, and also dissatisfied with what you feel is a lack of change and progress. Certainly it shows the ‘on/off’ nature of the relationship, and also of your being confronted with his need for independence and freedom. For yourself it describes impatience about progress, and the fact that your own needs aren’t being met. There are several ways for this to play out: one is that you will walk away because you don’t feel that it’s going anywhere; another is that he will walk away because he feels you are asking too much; another is that you can just enjoy it as it is, and accept what it is. Whichever way it goes, you are going to experience a lot of tension so you will need to find avenues through which to release this. Perhaps come up with ideas for doing something completely different together...but don’t push it. Anyway, he may suggest such himself.

I think that’s as far as I can go at this point and I do hope it has helped in some way.

Do let me know how you fare, especially during these coming months.

Best,
Admin.

[Ninsk]

Hello and thank you very warmly for your reply!

I'm so glad you took the time to look through this!
I have been quite stunned the last couple of days because all you have written is so strikingly true that I had tears in my eyes while reading it.
I don't really know how to answer, because I automatically get the urge to comment on everything and tell the underlying story. But I realize that it would be a bit too much, so I'll try keep it as short as possible. And I want to let you know that everything is correct and that it actually makes it easier for me to see the situation and deal with it.

I'm going through such turbulent things in my life aside from this guy.
I've felt " lost " since I was born and its like I'm finally on the way to a better place. It really feels like everything is coming to an edge now.

He's also going through a lot at the moment.
During the time we were apart last year ( having no contact ) he among other things, met a girl, who he moved in with, ( in some kind of despair to start something new and " forget " about me ), she accidently got pregnant and told him about it at the same time as he was trying to break up with her since they weren't really inlove and neither where they having a good friendship. She insisted on having the baby and he's a father since August this year.
We have talked this through, and I'm quite fine with it as it is at the moment.
Except it takes a lot of his time since he of course care a lot about the baby, even though they are seperated. But I do get an uneasy feeling from time to time worrying that he'll start growing stronger feelings for the mother. But apart from him telling me, also his parents and other people around him that I've met has kind of ensured me that there's no chance of that since she's a " crazy bitch ". So.. I try not to think too much about it. I'm glad for his sake when it comes to the baby though. He's really good with kids and would make a wonderful father if he gets to see the child reguarly over the coming years.

And as you also suspected, there has never been any violent abuse but there was a time when we were younger with harsch psychological abuse/blackmail. He tried to control me in very strict ways. It went on for about a year or two and made me break it off for the first time.
Seems like it was just some " phase " he went through since that side of him is now blown away with the wind.
But yes, it has left me with " scars " and I do have some burried aggression towards him for what he made me go through. I also believe it's a contributing factor for the doubt I have, that I find it hard to really trust that he loves me just the way I am. We have of course talked about this many times, and he has apologized for what he put me through, admited it was idiotic and explained that he did not understand how awful it was for me.

Many other things you write about him is also on the dot. And I'm also aware of these sides of him. I do not think he is though. At least not completely. And it's probably something that he needs to sort out by himself. It does not seem to help that much that I point out these things for him. It is also true that he function better when he's working, or at least when he manages to have a stable routine with stimulating activities. It has rarely been successful over the years though. And it's pretty much the same for myself. It is only now that he seems to fight for it. I don't think he is doing it for his well-being, which he maybe should have in mind, but more to succeed materially / financially in the future.

I think it is the transiting Uranus opposition my natal Venus you mentioned, among other things that I feel so strongly at the moment.
There are so many things I want to achieve and do, but it's a hard and slow process that makes me very frustrated and restless.
There has been a lot of psychological matters over the years, depression, eating disorders, anxiety and a much therapy. ( Most of it is still going on but in a more controlled way ).
And of course contributing reasons for these things can be seen in my own horoscope.
It's not easy to live with all this plutonic/mars/scorpio power, I don't know if I want to call it power, since it never comes out as power, mostly it just builds up inside and gets released in some sudden agression/weepingspell. There are many suppressed feelings and needs and I'm having a really hard time finding an outlet for all this energy.

I can mention that I'm still living with my mother, who has become more like a sister or near friend to me than just a mother. Not strange considering all the things we've both been through over the years. I often wish it wasn't that way but our bond is very precious and important to me.
I grew up with an agressive/abusive very young father. He wasn't around much when I was a baby, since he physically abused my mother and she did what she could to avoid him and protect me.
But then some years later, he sporadically came and wanted to see me, I refused since he's a very big, loud and violent man. It led to a child custody dispute that went on until I was eleven years old. It affected my whole childhood and also my ability to function in school. It has left me without any grades/education.
It's always been me and my mother against many odds, not many people around to help, economy is strained and hard, emotions of all kinds flies in the air and we both want each other to live our lives to the fullest, which none of us is able to to because of various reasons.
Life is and have always been hard both for me and her in different ways. And of course I don't plan to live the rest of my life with her but at the moment it's the easiest for me to do, since I've just started reading the material I never got to do in school, so that I hopefully can get a job in the future, or further education.
As for the moment, I'm unfortunatly as they call it " burned out" since 2012 and on temporary sick leave.
I suddenly got these horrible symptoms like headaches,neck pain, blurry vision, I had a hard time looking at bright lights and worst was this constant rocking sensation, like standing on a rocking boat, that went on for almost two years.
I'm finally feeling better but I still have a hard time coping with stress since these symptoms easily return in stressful periods when I don't get enough sleep and such.
My mother suffers from Vestibular Migraine since 2013 and is having a really hard time maping out these terrible attacks of extreme vertigo and nausea that seem to occur very sudden about once to twice a year.
Despite all this, both me and her are two very strong minded inviduals who are determined to move forward to a better existence.

And of course all of this affects my relationship with "A".
He's always been in the background since I was thirteen.
And as you suspected, there's a great friendship involved.
And the on/off thing.. When it's on, we're totally in sync, he understands me, what's important and essencial for me etc, and the other way around..
But when it's off, it's just off, like I mentioned earlier, we " burn " each other.
But I will try to talk with him as you suggested, on a deeper level when the time is right, and hopefully things will work out for the better in one way or another.
I'm just afraid to lose him, and at the same time afraid to give too much and lose myself.
There is so much we both seperatly have to take care of right now. And this strong reunion wasn't anything I counted on.
When we met in Mars after being apart a long time, I had made a promise to myself that I wouldn't " fall " back on this road with him again.
But when we were together that day, it felt like being reunited with a part of myself that I'd been missing. Like someone finally gave you a scope of real pure oxygen and you could finally breathe again.. weird parable but really, it felt so good.
And at the same time, which is one of the things that disturb me the most, is that everytime we see each other, he keep telling me to move in with him. And that would mean moving to another country and leaving everything else behind.
As the situation is at the moment, both for me and him, It just makes me want to laugh out loud since it just wouldn't work out right now. I have to build a solid ground for myself before moving in with someone and he doesn't seem to understand that.
That's a quite fine example of how his mind works I think, he almost always neglect his realistic side and flies away into the blue where everything is so simple and wonderful, even though he somehow must know what the reality is like. It's not always that way though, seems like it's mostly when it comes to our relationship. I think you were able to see that too.

Anyhow.. Now I'm also flying away into a neverending story. I hope it's all legible as I'm not used to writing in English

It will be exciting to see which way things will take over the next few months. There is indeed a lot going on right now and I have to try keep my cool.
By the way, I did recently take a quick look at our progressed charts and the progressed composite one, and I haven't really learned much enough to fully understand it yet but one of the things I of course noticed is that both the composite sun, mercury and venus has moved from Libra to Scorpio in the 4th house. Where as you know I have my natal Mercury and Sun, and also my progressed Venus. I don't really know how to formulate my question but I guess I wonder what kind of impact it has on the relationship and how it might affect me?

Anyway, once again, I'm very thankful for your dedication and your reply! And of course I'll report back to you in some time to let you know how thing's are going! (:

Almost forgot, if you don't mind, I could let you just take a look at my parent's horoscopes, It could be a bit interesting? I'll just leave the times here below. I can post the charts too if needed?

Mother 3 December 1954 20:44
Father 5 November 1974 18:20


//Ninsk

[admin]

Hi Ninsk,

Please see my 'pm'.

Thank you.

Admin.